The DOOL Summer Book Club

Ah Summer! Time to relax on the beach with a cool drink and a good book.

And let's face it if anyone needs a good self help book, it's the people who live in the capitol of dysfunction, yep, dear old Salem.

So here are my suggestions for books and who should be reading them.


Although there are some couples in Salem who seem to be hitting the sheets every chance they get lately , there are those who could stand to turn the heat up a might. So for Maggie and Mickey, John and Marlena, Abe and Lexi, and Bo and Hope -














Ah the kids of Salem. Most of whom wouldn't recognized their parents if they had to pick them out of a police line up, we feel your pain. So for Ciara, Johnny, Ali, Claire, Theo and the newest member of the "Moppets Without Moms & Dads" Club, Lil Joe -














Dr. Laura. Love her or hate her (there's no in-between it seems) you have to admit she tells it like it is. You may not want to hear what she has to say, and hate the way she says it, but sometimes the truth hurts. So for Chloe, Sami, Nicole, Stephanie, and Chelsea -














There are times when I truly believe the entire population of Salem could use this book, but I'll stick to the ones who need it the most. For Sami, Nick, Chelsea, Max, Stephanie, Lexi, Chloe, Nicole, Ava, and Lucas -














Then there are those who, no matter how hard they try, end up spending Valentine's day alone and miserable. Sometimes through their own fault, sometimes not. So for Nick, Victor, Ava, Chloe, Nicole and EJ -














If you don't know who needs this book, you either don't watch DOOL enough or you don't get it. For Kayla, Hope, Maggie, Marlena, Kate, Lexi and Sami -














What would we do without the Salem Psychos? As boring as DOOL can be, just think how much more boring it would be if we didn't have the stalkers, the freaks, and the obsessive! So for Ava, Chloe, Nicole, Sami and Chelsea -














There are times when I think the people of Salem wouldn't be happy if they weren't messing up their lives. So for pretty much EVERYONE in Salem -













LIES! Lies and deceit! Something tells me they are part of the Salem Charter. Although most of the population wouldn't know the truth if it slapped them up side the head, there are those who have turned it into an art form. So for the unfortunate people who end up involved with these masters of mendacity, specifically Roman, Abe, Nick, Kayla, Bo and Lucas, we recommend -













If you wanted to get rich you'd start an Anger Management class in Salem. It would be overflowing for every meeting! Even so, there are those who are worse than others in the short fuse department. For Lucas, John, Kate, Ava, Bo, Nicole and Abe -














What would DOOL be without feuds, vendettas, grudges, bones to pick, jealousies, and just plain old hard feelings. Some people handle it better than others, some never learn. For Sami, Nicole, Kate, Lucas, Chelsea and Anna -















Some girls get it when a guy doesn't call. Some girls don't And then there are the girls of Salem who take not getting it to a whole new level. For Chelsea, Nicole, Ava, Kate and Stephanie -

Even though we all danced our way through the 80's to "Addicted To Love" some of the Salem crowd took the song to heart a little too much. For Ava, Kate, Marlena, John, Sami, EJ, Lucas, Chelsea, Nicole and Chloe -

As much as men claim to be mystified as to why women always seem to fall for the "bad boys", we women are just as confused as to why the nastiest mean girls always ends up with the super nice guys. And the worst part is, they walk all over them, stomp on their hearts, dump them and leave them ruined for the rest of us. Although there is a noticeable lack of good girls in Salem, there are a few and I am sure they would love to read this book and get some answers.
For Kayla, Abby, Jennifer and Stephanie -














And last but not least. You've heard about it, you've joked about it, but until now, you never really believed it existed.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you,
THE GUY MANUAL -

The Day After - DOOL Needs To Give Me A Job.

It's the next day. Sami stands in the living room of the mansion looking worried.She finally picks up her purse and turns to walk out of the room and runs face first into EJ, who is walking in.


EJ: Going somewhere?

Sami: Um..yes. I have to go out, and do some shopping. I need to get some things for Ali and Johnny.

EJ: Wonderful! Give me a few moments and I'll join you. We can drop the twins off at the pub and have lunch before we head out.

Sami: NO! I mean, no thank you, I just..I mean....I can do it myself.

EJ looks at her skeptically.

EJ: Samantha as talented a liar as you are, I can still tell when you're attempting to hide something from me. Now where are you going?

Sami: (getting irritated) I don't have to answer to you. I can go wherever I want, I don't need your permission. And I don't have to tell you everywhere I go.

Sami pushes past EJ and gets to the door. Before she can open it, EJ is behind her and puts his hand on the door holding it closed.

EJ: You're going to see Lucas aren't you?

Sami: No. I mean...I thought about it...but....

EJ: Darling, if you need to see Lucas, I am not going to try to stop you. I can hardly expect you to forget about the man. You have two children with him, you were married to him. You don't need to explain your reasons, I trust you.

Sami: (shocked) You TRUST me? Look EJ, I don't know what you were expecting after last night, but it was a mistake. I don't know what I was thinking, or why I let you get to me, but it didn't mean anything.

EJ cuts her off by taking her into his arms and kissing her. Sami starts to resist but it's no use.

Sami: (breathless) EJ, please, let me go. This is all just happening so fast, I need more time.

EJ: Take all the time you need darling. But you can't deny how you feel about me. And I refuse to pretend I don't care about you any longer. Now you go do what you have to do, and when you return we will continue this discussion.

EJ lets Sami go so quickly she almost falls. She stares after him and flashes back to the previous night. The two of them in bed. She shivers and walks out the door.


The scene changes to the visitation room of Salem's prison. Sami is waiting at the metal table as Lucas enters. The guard uncuffs him and leaves.

Sami stands and starts to hold her arms out, but Lucas ignores her and just sits down. Sami is baffled but sits anyway.

Lucas: Why are you here? I told you I didn't want to see you.

Sami: I know, Lucas, but...

Lucas: (interrupting her) And yet here you are. Sami don't you get it? I didn't want to see you because it hurts too bad. I just can't do it.

Sami: (getting angry) YOU can't do it. It's all about you isn't it? You don't think all this is hard on me? Raising two babies alone.

Lucas: (interrupting) Oh but you aren't alone are you? How is your loving HUSBAND? Are the two of you getting ready to move into your own little cottage with a white picket fence?

Sami: Stop it. I didn't come here to fight with you about EJ. In fact I came to tell you he's found a way to help you.

Lucas: Help me? How? Is he going to turn back time? Is he going to change the past. Sorry Sami, I don't think even the great EJ Dimera can do that.

Sami: Lucas, EJ is a lawyer. He's working for Mickey Horton now and he's found a way he can have your conviction overturned. You'll be able to come home.

Lucas: HOME? Home to what? To you living across the hall with EJ? To me having to sit in our old apartment waiting for you to decide to let me see my daughter?

Sami: We aren't living in EJ's apartment. We're living in the Dimera mansion with John and Marlena.

Lucas stands up knocking over the chair he's sitting on, and pounds his fist into the table.

Lucas: YOU HAVE MY DAUGHTER LIVING UNDER STEFANO'S ROOF?? MY GOD SAMI HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

The guard raps on the door and gives Lucas a stern look. Lucas picks up the chair and sits back down.

Sami: It's not Stefano's home anymore, Lucas. John has control over everything that was Stefano's and he's taken the mansion. EJ and I moved in with the twins so we could save money..

Lucas: (sarcastically) SAVE MONEY?? What happened to all of EJ's money. His famous trust fund? I thought he was the rich playboy.

Sami: John ended EJ's trust fund payments when he took over Stefano's estate. And until Mickey hired him, we weren't even sure how we were going to pay the rent. But none of that matters Lucas, don't you understand? You can get out of here you can come home!

Lucas: I don't want EJ Dimera's help. I'll stay here for the rest of my life before I let him help me.

Sami: (shocked) But how can you say that? How can you not want to get out of here and come home? What about Ali? She needs her father. What about Will? He can't live with Carrie and Austin forever.

Lucas: I notice you there's one person you didn't mention Sami. You. Aren't you going to tell me how much you need me? Or is it that you don't need me?

Sami: Of course I need you Lucas. I love you.

Lucas: (interrupting) Do you Sami? Do you love me? Or is this just another one of your schemes? Another elaborate plan to somehow make everything right. To save your family, and defeat the evil Dimeras forever. Is that what this is Sami? Tell me now because if it is, then count me out.

Sami: (eyes welling with tears) How can you say that? I need you Lucas, I've always needed you,

Lucas (angry again) STOP LYING SAMI! You never needed me. I was just another in a long line of men you had to have. And you didn't care who you stepped on or hurt along the way. As long as you got your man. And then what? Once you had him, you weren't happy. You just kept him around long enough to destroy his spirit and then you just moved on to the next.

OH Sami, I should have figured you out long ago. But NO, not me. Not stupid, dumb old Lucas. Yeah I played right into your greedy little hands didn't I? Every time Austin rejected you, there I was. Just like your little lap dog. Waiting for the scraps you tossed me.

But this last time, oh this last time you really had me. I thought you'd changed. I bought your "new Sami" routine hook line and sinker.
I really thought it was going to be forever. What a FOOL I was. And what a good laugh you and EJ must have had at my expense. But not anymore Sami.
I'm done. It's over. We're over.

Sami listens to him, sobbing. She breaks down and puts her hands over her ears like a child.

Sami: No no no no no! I won't hear this. I won't listen to you.

Lucas grabs her arms and pulls her hands away from her ears. He stares into her eyes and gets eerily calm.

Lucas: (quietly) Yes Sami, you will hear this. You need to hear the truth for once. You can't play with people's lives and not expect to pay the consequences. You can't lie and scheme your way out of a situation just because you don't want to deal with it. Sami, you can't always get your way.

Sami stops mid sob and stares at Lucas. She pulls away and turns her back on him. Lucas waits a few seconds, then goes to her, and puts his hand on her shoulder.

Lucas: Sami. Look at me.

Lucas turns her around, and lifts her chin with two fingers. Sami stares at him not speaking.

Lucas: Sami look me in the eye and tell me, honestly. If I take EJ's help. Get out of prison, and come home. Would you be willing to give up everything, and leave with me? Leave Salem forever and not look back? To start an entirely new life. You, me, Will and Ali.

Sami: And Johnny....

Lucas: No Sami. You have to understand what I'm saying here. You'd have to leave Johnny with EJ. He's his father. And I won't live the rest of my life with EJ in the picture.

Sami: But he's MY son Lucas. You expect me to choose between you and my son?

Lucas: Yes Sami. I do. You can't have it both ways. It's me or EJ. And if it's me, then there can be no more EJ. And if his son is part of our family then we'll never be free of him. So decide Sami. Right here, right now.

Sami stares at Lucas and flashes back to Ali and Johnny's birth. How happy Lucas was with both of them. Then she flashes forward to the apartment, and Lucas never wanting to hold Johnny. Long nights of him holding Ali while she tended to Johnny. She turns away from Lucas and her mind moves ahead again. This time to EJ. Sitting up with Ali long into the night as she struggled with the croup. Of EJ playing with both babies. Showing them the same amount of attention and love. Then again. To the night before. Of her, lying in EJ's arms. His hands in her hair, his lips on hers. His fingers almost burning her skin with his touch. His voice saying her name over and over...Samantha....Samantha....Sami...

Lucas: Sami? Are you listening to me?

Sami turns around realizing Lucas has been saying her name. She stares at him for a second.

Sami: No Lucas. I won't choose between you and my son. I can't do it. And you have no right to ask me to. So if that's the only way we can be together then you're right. I don't love you. I could never love someone who would ask me to make that choice.

Lucas: (sarcastically) Oh of course not. Tell me Sami, does this mean you'll finally stop saying EJ raped you and just admit you're a cheating slut?

Sami gasps and slaps Lucas across the face.

Lucas: Good bye Sami.

Lucas turns and knocks on the door behind him. A guard opens it and he walks out without looking back. Sami stares after him for a few seconds when the door behind her opens and she looks up to see EJ standing in the doorway waiting. She dissolves into his arms sobbing.

Sami: Take me home EJ, please. Just take me home.

EJ: Yes darling, let's go home.

Proof: I should be writing DOOL

Sami comes down the stairs, holding a bottle and a baby monitor. She collapses on the sofa. EJ comes in from the kitchen.

EJ: Ali again?

Sami (screaming) WHY IS IT ALWAYS ALI? LIKE YOUR BRAT NEVER CRIES!

EJ is shocked. He sighs and goes to the desk, picks up his briefcase and starts to work.

Sami: What? Now you're ignoring me?

EJ: My dear, I have learned when you are in one of these moods, to just let you go rave until you get it out of your system.

Sami: Oh now I'm a raving shrew!

Sami freaks and throws the bottle at EJ narrowly missing his head, but landing on the papers he's working on. Milk goes everywhere, soaking the papers and EJ.

Sami (freaking) OH my God! EJ, I am so sorry I didn't mean that to happen really.

EJ gets up and shakes the milk off his clothing. He turns to look at Sami with a look that would kill. Sami's eyes widen, and she keeps apologizing.

Sami: I'll get a towel, maybe we can just blot the papers, and they will be okay. Oh EJ I'm really sorry, I just didn't think...

EJ: (through gritted teeth) No Sami, you DON'T think. You don't think anyone has feelings except you. You don't think anyone matters except you.
You don't think anything you do is wrong. You don't think about the pain and chaos you cause when you manipulate people's lives.

Sami: (shocked) I....I...You can't say that to me! I haven't done anything to you! I've tried to help you. If it wasn't for me you'd be on a slow boat back to jolly old England right now.

EJ: (sarcastically) Oh yes, the famous immigration excuse. Let me tell you darling, you may be beautiful and you may be exciting, but your excuses are wearing thin.
I know you think you are doing this great and wonderful selfless thing. But at this point, I'm not so sure England would be that bad.

Sami: (irritated) Yeah that's right, leave. Why not. I knew you didn't mean all that garbage you've been spewing about wanting to stay for Johnny and wanting to be a father.

EJ: (trying to control his rage) Now look Samantha, I have taken just about all I intend to take from you. I love my son. And I fully intend to be a father to him, no matter what you say or do. And until Lucas comes back from prison I intend to be a father to Ali as well.

Sami: (sarcastically) Don't do us any favors. We'll get along just fine without you. Probably better in fact. So just go ahead and leave. Chase after Nicole, sleep with her for all I care. You two are meant for each other. And Nicole would love it. She's already got a Kiriakis notch in her belt, why not add a Dimera

EJ stands silently staring at Sami. He walks around her towards the kitchen not saying a word.

Sami: (baiting) What? No snappy come back? What's wrong that famous British wit of yours finally run out? Yeah, go on walk away.

Sami crosses over to the desk to look at the papers EJ was working on. She picks them up, dripping with milk and starts to read. As she does her jaw drops.

Sami: (as she reads) What? Oh my God. (she picks up more soggy papers) What is he doing?

EJ enters from the kitchen holding a towel. He watches as Sami reads through the paperwork.

EJ: What's wrong Samantha? You look as if you've seen a ghost.

Sami: (snapping around to face him) What are you doing? What are these papers?

EJ: (leans against the doorway) What, you mean after all the times you've been in court you can't read legal jargon?

Sami: What? YES I can read it. But I don't understand. You're filing an appeal to have Lucas's conviction overturned? You're trying to get him out of prison?

EJ: Well I would have thought the idea would make you happy. After all he's the love of your life isn't he? The man you REALLY want to be with.

Sami: (stammering) Well.. yes.. but...I mean...well....he shot you.....and .....your problems with immigration.....I mean how will it look if he comes back?

EJ: I shouldn't think that would be any great inconvenience to you. I'd just go back to London and you and Lucas and Ali could live happily ever after.

Sami stares at him for a moment then it sinks in what he just said.

Sami: (horrified) Are you telling me you think you'd just take off to Europe and take my son...

EJ: (interrupting) MY SON SAMANTHA! Mine! And while I admire your feigned outrage at the idea, I should think you would be glad to be rid of the last vestige of, as you so frequently put it, the WORST night of your life. The night I raped you? Just think, you could finally put it behind you and life a happy life, never to be reminded of me ever again.

Sami is shaking with rage. She hyperventilates and looks around wildly for something to throw. She grabs a large decanter off the bar table and hurls it at EJ. Missing him by a mile and smashing all over the wall.

Sami: HOW DARE YOU! IF YOU THINK I WOULD ALLOW YOU TO STEP ON INCH OUT OF THIS HOUSE WITH JOHNNY YOU ARE INSANE!!! IT WOULD BE OVER MY DEAD BODY!

EJ: Well, that could be arranged couldn't it. After all, I am a Dimera. As is my son. And I would think you'd be happy to no longer be linked to a family you claim to hold in such contempt.

Sami: (screaming) I HATE YOU!! I WISH I'D NEVER MET YOU!

EJ: (sarcastically) Oh now darling, such venomous words aren't necessary. I should think the idea of not having to see me every day would appeal to you.

Sami: (still breathing hard) You don't know anything about me. You don't know what I want. You kept telling me how much you loved me, how much you wanted me. And you didn't care that I loved Lucas. That I was happy, that I had finally managed to put my life and family back together. You just took what you wanted and you didn't care who you hurt or who you destroyed to get it.

You keep telling everyone you've changed. That's a laugh! You haven't changed! You'll NEVER change! You're Stefano's son. The son of the most EVIL man who ever walked the earth. And you're just like him!!

He was obsessed with my mother, and he took her away from me for years. He didn't care how much her family needed her, or how much we all loved her. He wanted her for himself, and that's all that mattered. And now you're trying to do the same thing to me.

Well it's not going to work. You can't have me! You'll never have me!
I'll never love you EVER!

EJ pauses for a second, then crosses the distance between them in three strides.
He grabs Sami by the shoulders and stares into her eyes. She stares up at him, glaring. He pulls her close to him, and speaks very quietly.

EJ: No, Samantha, you are not Marlena. And I'm not my father. I don't need to kidnap you and keep you a prisoner like he did her.

You don't know this but I remember a time when my father held your mother captive. He had her drugged so she wouldn't fight, caged so she couldn't escape. I never understood, why would he want her that way? He kept her like a trophy. She wasn't able to respond to him.

He claimed it was because he loved her, but even as young as I was I knew, that was not love, it was obsession. A sick twisted obsession. And no matter how much he tried to convince himself she was his soul mate, his Queen of the Night, it would never be real.

He would never know how it felt to hold her in his arms. To have her give herself to him of her own free will. To feel the touch of her hands on him, to feel her breath on his lips. To look into her eyes and see love. To feel her heart, beating against his own in a single rhythm. To hear her call his name in the depths of her passion. To know how it felt to have her truly love him.


EJ pulls Sami to him and their lips touch. At first she hesitates, then her arms come up to encircle his neck. They kiss passionately.
Sami, pulls back and looks into his eyes.

Sami: EJ, I...I..can't breathe...I can't think....

EJ: Samantha, I love you. I have always loved you. I never asked that you change, or that you be anyone but who you are. I love you when you lie. I love you when you scheme and plot and manipulate people's lives. You never had to apologize to me for anything you've ever done.

Nothing you could do, nothing you could say, could ever make me stop loving you. I don't care about your past. I don't care how many horrible, deceitful, things you've done to survive.

Lucas puts conditions on his love. He makes you feel that if you stumble and fall he will withhold that love. That if you don't live your life by his standards and his dogma, he'll leave you. He refuses to listen when you try to tell him you had no choice, or that you were only trying to protect your family. He'd have you abandon your family. He has no loyalty. He doesn't understand what it means to have to sell your soul so your family will be safe.

We know, Samantha. Our families have been at war for decades. But in spite of everything we've done in the name of loyalty, we never forgot even for a moment, who we were, or why we had to do what we did. We belong together Samantha.
Our fate was decided before we were born. Our souls sought each other out, and now they bind us

EJ kisses her again. This time there is no hesitation on Sami's part. She clings to him as they kiss. EJ picks her up and carries her up the stairs to a large bedroom. They continue to kiss passionately. Clothes melt away, sheets entangle bodies. Passion overtakes them both.
EJ pulls away and looks into Sami's eyes.

EJ: Say it Samantha. I want to hear it from your lips. I want to see it in your eyes and know it's real. Say it.

Sami: I love you EJ. God forgive me, but yes, I love you.


Passion and hot monkey sex ensues.

Some Fun Pics For Thursday

Just some random thoughts I have when I read Prevuze



Tony meets Barney, who is in charge of the production.













Barney gets a call.



















Martino listens as Earl begs for his life. "I got a problem, Earl," says Martino, "I like you. I think everybody deserves a second chance."















Anna reads the script aloud. Barney asks her to read it again. He asks her if she's ever done any acting. Anna reels off her high school acting experience. Barney says he wants her in the shoot. Anna asks, "What? You want me to be in Kate's commercial?"












And one more, sorry, if anyone gets offended, but I just couldn't resist: