Max and Nick's Heinous Escapade Part III

The guys got downstairs only to find the car had not returned.

They followed the girls to Carol's house and were escorted into her rec room.
After an hour or so of listening to music and talking Max decided to take a shot with Julie, to see if he could talk her out of stealing the fur piece.

They went outside and sat on the front steps. Max thought he'd have to do a lot of talking to steer Julie into talking about stealing but she jumped right into it on her own.

"Did you see that fur stole at Bartlett's? I have been wanting that for soooo long and my square parents won't buy it for me. So tomorrow I'm going to go steal it." Julie says

"Aren't you afraid you'll get in trouble?" Max asks "You know arrested?"

"What do I care? Besides I'm too cool to get caught." Julie brags

"Yeah, but you never know." Max insists "And you'd have to go to jail and have a record and all..."

"Pffft." Julie dismisses him with a wave of her hand "Even if I get caught, my Uncle Mickey is a really good lawyer and he'd never let them put me in jail."

Max had to stifle a cough when she says "really good lawyer".

"I don't get why a pretty girl like you needs to resort to breaking the law to get attention. And don't deny it, you don't want that fur, you really want attention." Max says

"Who are you? My father? Oh no wait, you can't be you're paying attention to me." Julie snaps.

Max sighs "Look, I just don't want you to ruin your life because you think your parents are umm square."

Julie draws a square in the air and rolls her eyes. "Man you are really bringing me down."

"Uh yeah" Max says "But let me tell you a story about this girl I know who is a lot like you. Her name's Chelsea.."

"Chelsea?" Julie asks "That's a weird name."

"Yeah, well anyway, she was a lot like you." Max continues "Her parents were split up and she didn't think either one of them cared about her. She did all kinds of stuff to get them to notice her. She got drunk, she stole stuff, she threw big tantrums."

Julie screws her face up and purses her lips "She doesn't sound so bad. Her parents are the ones that made her do all that."

"Well she kept doing stuff until one night she conned her dad into letting her drive when she wasn't supposed to, and she hit her little brother and killed him."
Max says

Julie's eyes get big at this "Wow really? She killed her own brother?"

"Yep" Max says "And she got attention, but it wasn't the kind she wanted. She had to go to court and almost spent a very long time in jail."

"How did she get out of it?" Julie asks

"She turned herself around" Max whitewashes the truth a bit "She proved to her parents that she could get her life under control and be good. She's in college right now and doing really good."

"But no one understands me!" Julie whines "They all just treat me like a baby, and I'm not! I'm old enough to know what I want, and make my own decisions."

"Oh mature ones, like stealing a fur piece to get attention." Max says "If you want your parents to notice you why not show them you really are grown up and either get a job or go to school."

Julie rolls her eyes again, "BOR-ING! As soon as I can I am going to run away and move to Chicago."

"Run away to Chicago. Well yeah, that's an idea. A stupid one, but an idea." Max says.

"Are you calling me stupid?" Julie pouts

"Well you can't tell me you actually think that's a smart idea can you?" Max asks
"What will you do for money? Where will you live?"

"I'll get a job" Julie says

"Doing what? With no education and no skills." Max says

"Well what do you do?" Julie asks

Max opens his mouth to say he tends bar and works on the docks, but takes the high road and lies. "I own my own garage. I went to school to learn how to fix cars, then worked in a garage until I had enough money to open my own."

"Blah blah blah" Julie flaps her hand and Max resists the urge to slap her silly.

Suddenly Julie freezes. Max looks at her for a second and waves his hand in front of her face, nothing.

"Not going well?" George Carlin suddenly appears

"Yeah, you could say that." Max says

"Max! uhhh Matt" Nick comes out of the house "You gotta see this...oh I guess you have."

"Yeah, I have." Max says "Are the other two frozen?"

"Like statues. What gives?" Nick asks

"Ask our cruise director here," Max gestures to George "I'm as in the dark as you."

"I kind of thought you might have some problems, especially with these brain surgeons." Carlin said

"So what do we do?" Max asks "This one wants to run away to Chicago."

"And the two inside are convinced all they have to do to become movie stars is move to Hollywood and sit in some place called Schwabs, until they get noticed." Nick says "I tried to tell them the only person who'd notice them would be some guy with $20 and 15 minutes to kill. They didn't get it."

"I'm not surprised." Carlin explains "The sixties were a different time. Young girls didn't have all the options they do now. And parents just dealt with their kids by not dealing with them at all. The old, ignore it and it will go away approach."

"Sounds like what Julie was describing." Max says "So what will we do?"

"I brought these" Carlin hands each of the guys, what appears to be a small silver flashlight. "I assume both of you have seen Men in Black.."

Before he can finish, our heroes have flashed each other.

Carlin grabs their hands before they can do it again. "Yeah I figured that would happen, be careful with those."

"Whoa where did these come from!" Nick holds his up again, but Carlin manages to pull it away from him before he can push the button.

"Just flash each of the girls, and tell them to forget you were here." Carlin explains "With Julie, tell her she is happy with her life and she loves her parents."

"And that will work?" Nick asks

"It's a last resort, but it's all we have." Carlin says "I've been listening to Max try to talk to Julie and he's getting nowhere fast."

"She's pretty stubborn." Max says "And I thought Chelsea was bad."

"Well now get back inside Nick, and as soon as I unfreeze them, flash them. You do the same Max." Carlin explains

"Okay. Then we can hopefully get back home?" Max asks

"I am sure of it." Carlin promises.

"Hey, before you go George," Nick says "Can I keep this thing? You know in case I need it back in our time?"

"No." Carlin answers quickly "Trust me, once you get home you'll find out you won't need it."

Carlin disappears and the guys get back into position, and the girls unfreeze.

Max quickly flashes Julie. "You are happy with your life, your parents understand you, you want to finish high school, go to college and be a successful whatever. Oh and The Stones are way cooler than the Beatles."

Max had barely finished when he glanced over and saw the Mustang sitting at the curb.

He got Julie back into the house without her seeing and went back into the rec room where Carol and Diane were all over Nick.
Max quickly flashed all three again and looked at Nick, who shrugged and grinned.

They told the girls to forget the guys were ever there, and slipped out before they came to.

"Do you think things will have changed a lot back in our time?" Nick asks

"Let's hope." Max answers and they take off.

They program the GPS with the return code and drive out of town. As soon as Salem comes back into view, the guys know they are home, but something is different.

They decide to go to the Cheatin Heart first and when they pull up, they are shocked to see a thriving, crowded bar, instead of the seedy hole in the wall it had been.

As they walk up to the door a large bouncer smiles and lets them in "Mr. Brady, Mr. Fallion, your usual table is ready."

Nick and Max exchange looks and go inside. Chelsea and Stephanie dash up to them, and the change in them both is evident.

"You two are late!" Stephanie says "Max you know we can't stay out late tonight, we have to leave for Talladega in the morning."

"Talladega?" Nick asks "Oh, um, yeah, because we are....driving...in...it?"

"Duh silly!" Stephanie laughs "You act like you haven't been talking about this non-stop for months."

"And you!" Chelsea pokes Nick "You have that big presentation to the hospital board of directors. Now that you have your grant, they are going to want to hear all about your breakthrough last week."

"My breakthrough?" Nick asks

"What is with you two?" Chelsea says "Yes Nick, the alternate fuel you've had your lab working on night and day for the last year! I swear if I worked for you, I'd have quit long ago. But those lab techs you have are so devoted it's scary."

"MY lab, yeah, well, we do need our sleep for that presentation I guess." Nick looks over at Max and shrugs.

Max just smiles and shrugs back as if to say "hey, go with it."

"My mom and dad want us to come over for dinner next week" Chelsea says "And I have to go to Belle's baby shower, I really hope Phillip gets the boy he wants this time, I mean after 2 girls it's about time. Oh and I have finals coming up. And an interview with the head of emergency medicine. I really hope I get to do my internship there."

"Speaking of parents," Max says "How are yours Steph?"

"Why don't you ask them," She answers, "There's Dad tending bar, and mom will be here as soon as she finishes her shift at the hospital."

Max looks over and is shocked to see Steve, WITHOUT his trademark patch, smiling and pouring drinks.

Everyone around them seemed happier somehow. Like they had no worries.

Over in the corner Max notices someone waving, he nudges Nick and nods in that direction. The guys raise their drinks and give a silent toast to George Carlin who does the same, then blinks away.

For the little town of Salem, having no "hope" is a good thing.

Max and Nick's Heinous Escapade Part II

"If you guys are ready, I'd like to ask one favor before I send you off." Carlin says

"Okay what?" Max asks

Carlin thinks for a minute, whispers something in each of their ears, then stands back.

The guys look at each other, shrug their shoulder and Max steps forward.

"Excellent!" Max says with a big grin

"Bogus" Nick follows slightly scowling

"Yeah, it's not the same. Okay, outside you will find a car, get in and drive out of town just until you can't see it in the rear view. Then program this code into the GPS and drive back into town."

"Do we have to hit 88 miles per hour?" Nick asks

"Huh? No, wrong movie.." Carlin says "When you've set things right, the car will re-appear and you do the same thing to get back home."

"So the car will know when we've done everything we are supposed to do? Kind of like Quantum Leap?" Max asks

"Yeah sort of. What is it with you two and all these TV and Movie references?" Carlin asks

"I don't know, it kind of feels like a movie, but I can't remember which one." Max answers.

"Yeah, whatever. Here are the keys now get going." Carlin hands them car keys and a piece of paper.

The guys turn around and suddenly they are standing in the Java Cafe mens room again.

"But what if..." Max starts to ask Carlin a question but he's gone. The guys walk out of the cafe and there outside is a mint 1977 Trans-Am. Black with the gold firebird painted on the hood.





"SWEET! The Bandit car!" Max exclaims. Runs over and jumps in.

"This is SO COOL! I wonder if we get to keep it when this is all over."

"Max, hold on a minute, are you sure we should be doing this?" Nick asks "After all we are going to be making someone disappear. Changing so many lives."

"Yeah but for the better!" Max says "Come on, it's Hope. Think about it, no great loss dude." Max says

"I guess you're right." Nick sighs "But we need to make sure we are very careful not to change anyone else's lives."

"Yeah, yeah, careful, I got it. Come on, I can't wait to drive this thing." Max says

Nick gets in the car, and the guys take off down the road. They drive a few miles outside of town until Salem completely disappears over the horizon. Max turns the car around and Nick pulls out the paper. He turns on the GPS and is greeted with a cheery computer voice, asking for "the code". Nick enter it and pauses a moment before pushing enter.

"Ready?" Nick turns to see that Max has put on a cowboy hat and is chewing on a toothpick.

"10-4 good buddy! The Bandit is East bound and down." Max grins

"Okay now cut that out!" Nick scolds "We have to be serious here."

Max takes off the hat and grumbles a bit "Yeah I'm ready"

Nick pushes enter on the GPS and Max starts to drive. The sky seems to turn a peculiar shade of green right after they take off, then back to normal. Salem appears on the horizon and it doesn't take long before the guys notice it has changed. Many of the houses are gone and the road has narrowed. As they pass a totally different "Welcome To Salem" sign a loud POP sounds and the guys find themselves now sitting in a mint 1964 1/2 Mustang convertible.




"Man I am LOVING this job!" Max practically squeals with delight.

"Check it out! Our clothes have changed." Nick says

The guys are dressed in typical 1965 guy fashions. Nick is even wearing Buddy Holly glasses.

"Oh come on! They had contacts in 1965, this sucks." Nick says

"Hey it's not forever, now what was the name of that store we were supposed to find Julie in?" Max says looking around.

"Bartlett's," Nick answers "There it is, pull over."

Max and Nick park in front of the store and go in. At first they can't take their eyes off all the things they've only seen in old pictures until now. The clothes, the gadgets, the people. Each new discovery send them into states of wide eyed wonder. Suddenly Nick stops and looks at Max with a shocked expression.

"Holy American Graffiti, Max I just realized, we have no idea what Julie looks like at this age. How are we doing to figure out who she is?" Nick says

"Oh," Max says "Damn I didn't think of that. Well we know she gets arrested for stealing ....what was it again?"

"A fur?" Nick says "I guess they wear them in 1965. So where would we find furs?"

"Fourth floor, right next to Women's better shoes." A stuffy sales woman says to them.

"Better shoes?" Max asks "Better than what?"

"Thank you!" Nick says and grabs Max by the arm dragging him towards the elevator.

"Stop clowning, we're supposed to fit in, in this time." Nick hisses under his breath

"Yeah but what the hell are 'better' shoes?" Max asks again

"I look like I should know? Just keep walking." Nick answers

The elevator ride complete with an elevator operator calling out what is on each floor brings a new string of giggled jokes from Max. Each one brings stern looks from Nick and admonishments to quit.

They reach the 4th floor and walk out into a sea of racks filled with 60's fashions.
After a few confusing moments the guys locate the fur department. It doesn't take long before a group of teen age girls arrive and start browsing.
Nick and Max follow them, just close enough to hear their conversation.

"I am going to show you how easy it is, then after that you'll see, we can have whatever we want and not pay for it." One girl says

"Wow Julie, you are so brave." raves another

"It's not about being brave Carol," Julie says "It's about being cool. And if you want to be cool you have to have the latest. You now the absolute newest coolest stuff."

"I don't know Julie. Aren't you afraid of getting caught?" asks the third girl

"Diane, if you think you're going to get caught, you will. You just have to think positive." Julie answer.

Max whispers to Nick "That's Julie, that's Carol, and that's Diane."

"DUH!" Nick gives Max a look.

"Well come on, we have to stop her, she's getting ready to do it." Max says

"What do we do?" Nick asks

"Let me think," Max says "Okay I got it, follow my lead."

"Max wait! What are you going to do?" Nick tries to stop him, but he's too late.

Max puts on his best lady killer smile and walks up to the girls.

"Hey, groovy chicks. You're all hep in far out ways." Max leers

"Ummm, sure, okay" The girls look at him like he's an alien and slowly back away.

Nick comes up and drags him back by the arm. "That's the BEST you could come up with?"

"It was the only 60's thing I could think of to say." Max explains

"A line from the Brady Bunch movie? And that was the 70's" Nick says

"Oh like you were coming up with a better plan." Max replies

"Well it didn't work for Greg Brady and it's not working for you." Nick says "Besides I don't see you trying at all."

"Okay okay, give me a minute." Nick says "I have something, now just don't SAY anything this time. Just wait until I ask you a question."

Nick straightens his glasses and casually wanders over to where the girls are standing looking at fur pieces in a display case.

"Hey, I think I know you guys." Nick begins "Didn't our team play yours in the big game last year? And aren't you three cheerleaders?"

"What big game would that have been?" Diane asks

Nick, gets a deer in the headlight look and takes a shot "Uhhh football?"

Diane rolls her eyes and turns her back to Nick and goes back to looking in the display case.

"That was it?" Max says "THAT was your big opening line? Tell me Nick have you EVER asked a girl out? A REAL girl?"

"Well YOU didn't do any better. Mr. 'hey there groovy chicks' who says that? Who EVER said that?"

The guys are arguing so much they don't even notice Diane had walked up to them.

"Um, hi there." Diane looks at Max "My friend says to tell you she thinks you're kind of cute and you look like Paul and you," Diane turns to Nick "look kind of like Ringo but with glasses." Behind her Julie and Carol are giggling

"Well, I don't know who Paul is, but hi, I'm Ma..." Nick kicks him before he can finish his name "Matthew. Matthew Perry. And this is my friend Chandler Bing."

Nick scowls at Max "Uh hi"

Diane frowns "You don't know who Paul is? Paul, you know, Paul McCartney."

"OH the Beatles guy! Yeah, okay, he's okay I guess." Max says

Diane gets the "what planet are you from" look on her face again and walks back to Carol and Julie.

"Thanks dude, Chandler Bing? What were you thinking?" Nick says

"Well you kicked me for trying to tell her my real name, and it was the only thing I could come up with." Max says

"And what was with the 'he's okay' thing about Paul McCartney, don't you know anything about pop culture history? The Beatles were HUGE in 1965!" Nick says

"What do I know about the Beatles? John Lennon died before I was born, before either of us was born. George Harrison died a few years back, and Paul McCartney married some gold digger with one leg." Max says "It's not like you're some kind of expert."

"Okay I admit it. Other than hearing their songs on the oldies station, I don't know much about them." Nick says "She said I look like Ringo? All I know about him is he was Mr. Conductor on Shining Time Station. You remember Thomas The Tank engine? I used to watch it when I was a kid."

"I LOVED that show!" Max says "My favorite was Diesel, oh and the helicopter, what was his name?"

"Harold!" Nick grins "I liked him too. And the mayor guy Sir Topemhat? I laughed every time they said his name."

"Me too!" Max agrees

"Damn! Look, Julie's moving in on that fur piece on the display! Quick go stop her." Nick exclaims

Max darts over to Julie and says the first thing he can think of to say "Paul McCartney huh? So do you have many of his....I mean their.....uhh many Beatles CDs... uhh records?"

Julie hesitates then says "Yeah, I have all of them, why? You don't even know who Paul is."

"Oh I was just kidding!" Max says "I love the Beatles."

"You do?" Julie is still a little suspicious "Well we're going to go over to Carols and listen to records. I guess you two can come if you want."

"Great! Let's go now." Max grabs Julie's arm and steers her away from the stole.

"Umm okay" Julie allows Max to pull her from the display case "I'll go tell Carol and Diane and we'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes. We have something to do first."

"Hey whatever it is, can't it wait? I'd love to hear some Beatles right now." Max insists

"Uhh okay, I guess it can wait till tomorrow." Julie says

"Groovy! Hey Chandler come on we're going to go with these guys and listen to some records." Max calls Nick over.

As the five head for the elevator Nick pulls Max to the side. "I don't know how you did it but I'm glad you did. Now hopefully the car will be sitting outside when we get downstairs and we can go home." Nick says

"Me too." Max agrees "I'll be glad to get back home."

"I still can't believe you made me be Chandler dude. Why not Joey?" Nick asks

"Hey, even I'M not that cool." Max grins


*And before you start begging, yes there will be a part III tomorrow.*

Max and Nick's Heinous Escapade

Max sits at the Java Cafe' and downs his third decaf triple venti nonfat 3 splenda extra hot stirred no foam caramel macchiato with whip cream and extra caramel, (the girls behind the counter have started calling it a "mini-Max" because with all that sugary stuff what's the point of the splenda and non fat?).

Nick comes in looking tired. "You could have ordered me one" He says to Max "You insisted I come here at this un-Godly hour, when you knew I've been up all night working on my proposal. You could at least have a coffee waiting for me."

"Geez, if I'd wanted to listen to someone whine I'd have called Stephanine" Max rolls his eyes and gets up to get Nick a coffee. "What do you want?"

"Coffee." Nick looks confused by the question

"Yeah I know coffee but what kind?" Max asks

"Umm the hot kind? Made with water and coffee beans? What are you talking about?" Nick answers

"But what do you want IN it?" Max asks

"Two sugars? I have no idea what you are asking. Forget it, I'll get it myself." Nick stands up and goes to the counter. He comes back with a small cup and proceeds to put two sugar packets into it.

Max watches in horror. "What IS that?

"Coffee?" Nick offers Max a taste. He takes one and gags

"That tastes like battery acid! Where's the foam? And the caramel, the mocha, the whipped cream? And does that have caffeine in it? I feel a little buzzy!" Max freaks out.

Nick stares at him like he's examining some sort of new species. Max gets over his hissy fit and takes a few sips of his own "drink" to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Are you finished? Nick asks "Can we get to the reason I'm here?"

"I don't know myself." Max says "I got this strange note in the mail yesterday saying both of us were supposed to be here at 7AM. It said the fate of everyone in Salem depended on it."

"What does that mean?" Nick asks

"I think I can answer that, gentlemen" George Carlin suddenly appears next to their table.

Max and Nick look confused, nothing out of the ordinary.

"I see you're confused" George says "Shall we retire to my office and I'll explain?"
Carlin gestures towards the men's room door.

Max and Nick exchange looks but follow him into the room.

As soon as they step inside the room changes. It becomes a huge white space with no doors or windows.

"Whoa, where are we?" Max asks

"We are nowhere." George explains "Which is where the world will be if you two don't accept this mission. There are forces at work in Salem, that if are allowed to continue, will eventually destroy the world and everyone in it."

"How do we do that?" Max asks

"With this" Carlin tosses them a large unbound manuscript. Across the front it written Days Of Our Lives Episode 1.

"I don't understand. How will this help?" Nick says

"It's simple" George explains "You two are going to go back to where it all began. Salem, November 8th 1965. You two have to stop Julie from stealing a fur in Bartlett's Department store. Her arrest sends her down a path that eventually will lead to all the insanity that goes on in Salem right now."

"My cousin Julie is the reason Salem is . . . well what it is?" Nick asks

"Well not Julie personally," George explains "But . . . well I really can't say much more without running the risk of telling you too much and possibly messing up the present."

"Well, too bad!" Max says "We aren't going anywhere until we know what's really going on here? How does one little incident in Julie's life change everything?"

Carlin sighs and waves his hand. A chair appears and he sits down. He thinks for a few minutes, then waves his hand and two more chairs materialize. "Sit down guys. Now remember what I tell you has to stay a secret. If it got out I told you this, well I don't want to think about what the consequences would be."

Max and Nick take their seats and look at Carlin. He sits a few minutes longer and then starts to speak.

"Julie, isn't a bad girl. But she's a typical SALEM girl. She wants attention and doesn't care how she gets it."

"Kind of like Chelsea" Nick whispers to Max

"EXACTLY like Chelsea!" George says "In fact you'll notice a great deal of similarities between the young Julie and your Chelsea. Both are misunderstood, and just want someone to love them. They just seem to go about it all wrong.
That's why it has to be you two. You both dated Chelsea, so you'll understand Julie."

Max and Nick let this soak in for a few minutes.

"Okay, now when Julie gets arrested, she gets taken away from her parents, Ben and Addie and sent to live with her grandparents Tom and Alice.
Because of this Ben gives up on her and takes a job in Paris that leads to Addie going with him, but she resents him for making her leave her home and family. All the stress of that job eventually kills him, and later Addie marries Doug. And if that happens it will give life to the most evil force known to man. The thing that has toppled governments, destroyed entire civilizations, and made men miserable from the beginning of time."

"What's that?" Nick asks "War? Greed? The desire for power?"

"NO!" Carlin answers "More insidious than all those put together. . . Gossip. And you two are the only ones who can stop the worst source of that poison."

"Maggie Horton?" Max and Nick ask together

"Worse. Hope Brady." Carlin says. "Hope Brady has destroyed more lives with her inability to keep even the smallest bit of information to herself. If her birth is stopped, Bo will never have to choose between her and Billie. They will stay together and raise Chelsea. Chelsea will never kill Zach or Ford Decker. And best of all Shawn Brady will never be born.

Max looks at Nick "Wow, that means Chelsea would be normal. Like not crazy, needy, whiney, normal. And you guys might actually have a real relationship."

"And without Chelsea being a freak you might still be a race car driver and you'd be able to hang on to Stephanie so she wouldn't have run off and turned into a ...a...well you know." Nick says

"And without Shawn, Belle would just marry Phillip and he wouldn't be all bitter and trying to get revenge .....WE'LL DO IT!" Max says

"Excellent!" George smiles. "Okay boys, get ready to change your lives..."


*If I get enough requests I'll continue this story tomorrow. It's up to you guys.*

Laverne and Shirley: 2008

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8
Schlemeele, Schlamazo
Hasenphep Incorporated....... You know the rest.

It's morning, and as usual Chelsea Feeney and Stephanie DeFazio are late for work.

"Steph! Come on! If you hadn't stayed out so late last night with that sailor you'd be able to wake up on time!" Chelsea complains

"Put a sock in it, Chels! Not all of us have the perfect boyfriend"Stephanie rips a strip of tape off her bangs and pulls on a shirt with a big S on the chest.

"Oh Nick's not that perfect." Chelsea sighs "I really wish that dreamy Dr. Daniel would ask me out."

"There you go again Chels. What is it with you and marrying a docotor?" Stephanie says

"You know I've always wanted to marry a doctor!" Chelsea says "Just because I have dreams, don't make fun of me."

"Well I live in the real world." Stephanie snaps

"You mean the real smut world" Chelsea replies

"Hey, at least I don't still sleep with a stuffed cat!" Stephanie says

"Don't you make fun of Boo Boo Kitty!" Chelsea whines "I've had him since I was a kid"

"Since when did you STOP being a kid?" Stephanie says

"Well, I'd rather be a kid than a floozy who dates any guy with a car and a decent pick up line." Chelsea says

"Hey!" Stephanie counters "Don't forget who you're talking to. You've dated your share of creeps and losers!"

On cue the door of the sorority house opens and Nick and Max walk in.

"Hello" Max calls

"Guys, we don't have time today" Chelsea tries to shoo them out the door, but they just dodge her and sit down on the couch.

"We came over to tell you some big news." Max says "Big news you guys will be VERY grateful to hear."

"What, you're moving to China?" Stephanie says

"No.." Nick says "We can't speak Japanese, and Max is allergic to Chop Suey, so why would we move there?"

"Okay, fine just tell us your news and get out!" Chelsea says

"In time in time." Max smiles "Now, what will you girls give us for bringing you this tasty bit of information?"

The guys look at the girls with leering grins while the girls roll their eyes.

"We'll give you 5 dollars." Chelsea says and holds out some money

"SOLD!" Max jumps at the bills "No changing your minds either, we made a deal."

"Just spill it!" Stephanie says

"Okay, but this is big, so prepare yourselves" Max drags out the conversation "We heard, down at the Cheating Heart.....America's Next Top Model is doing a casting call here in Salem today at 2 O'clock"

The girls squeal and jump up and down at this.

"See I told you we should have held out for $10" Nick says

"Okay guys now out! We have to get ready to go be models" Chelsea grabs the guys by the ears and drags them towards the door.

"OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!" They guys protest as they are dragged out.

"FINE" Max wrenches loose as they reach the doorway. "But remember who it was that let you know about this amazing opportunity when you're rich and famous models."

"Yeah yeah, NO GO!" Chelsea slams the door on the guys

"Are you crazy?" Stephanie says "You think WE can be models?"

"Why not? We're pretty, we have a great sense of style and we aren't too bright, what's to keep us from being models?" Chelsea says

"Oh I don't know, Tyra Banks and all the other judges maybe?" Stephanie says

"Oh pish posh! We'll wow them. You'll see, now lets get some killer outfits together and hurry." Chelsea dashes around the room looking for clothes

"Chels! Come on!" Stephanie stops her "Does your balloon ever land? First you talk me into coming to college. Then you drag me into this sorority. We don't fit in with all these high fashion types."

"Well aren't you just a negative Nancy!" Chelsea chides "I for one want something better than this lousy little town. I want to break out and be someone!"

"You ARE someone!" Stephanie says "You're Chelsea Feeney. You'll end up quitting college, going to work in some office, marry Nick and have kids. That's your future. And I'll be right behind you."

Chelsea sits on the couch and pouts.

"Aw come on Chels, don't be like that." Stephanie sits next to her "I didn't mean to bring you down. I just want you to be realistic."

"But you had a dream once." Chelsea says "You were a race car driver, you had an exciting life. You went for it."

"Yeah and look where it got me." Stephanie says "I wrecked my car, lost my sponsors and ended up right back where I started here in Salem with my loser parents who obviously think they can do better than me, because they're having another kid."

"Well look at me!" Chelsea says "I killed my brother, and Ford. I've been a drunk, a druggie. I lied, schemed and disappointed my family time after time, but I still have faith."

Stephanie just sits looking a little dejected. Chelsea sits next to her for a few seconds then smiles and puts her arm around her and starts to sing....

"I come home, in the morning light..." Chelsea looks for a reaction "My mother says, 'When you gonna live your life right...." She looks again for a reaction.
"Oh mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones....and girls..."

"They wanna have fu-un" Stephanie sings quietly

"Oh girls just wanna have fun?" Chelsea gets exicted "The phone rings, in the middle of the night..."

"My father yells, what you gonna do with your life?" Stephanie starts to get into it.

"Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one, And girls just wanna have fu-un, OH girls just wanna have fuuuun!!" Both girls jump off the couch and sing with joy.

"I knew you'd see it my way!" Chelsea says "Come on Steph, lets go to that audition!"

"Okay, but I get to wear the Dolce and Gabbana boots!" Stephanie says

"NO WAY, I was going to wear those" Chelsea protests

"They don't even fit you!" Stephanie argues as they run upstairs together.

Skool Is Good

The Board of Regents of Salem University holds it's quarterly meeting to discuss the usual progress and issues.

This time however, an air of uncertainty is evident in the room.

University President Kelly calls the meeting to order. Before he can get started Crawford Decker bursts into the room.

"I demand to be heard!" He shouts "You people have ignored my requests for meetings with all of you and now I will have my chance to speak."

All in attendance are shocked, and look to President Kelly to see what his reaction will be.

President Kelly sighs "Come in Crawford, I've been expecting this. Ladies and gentlemen Mr. Decker makes a valid point. We have avoided this issue for far too long and now it seems we have no choice but to address it."

Whispers and murmurs fill the room as Decker strides to the front of the table and takes a seat.

"Mr. Crawford is here to discuss the ongoing problem we have with the girls of Alpha Chi Theta." President Kelly begins

"He means I-Fleta-Thigh" someone in the crowd whispers. Giggles and snickers ensue.

"Yes, I am aware of the less than stellar reputation this organization has managed to acquire " Kelly continues, shooting a stern look at several members, with grins on their faces "But making jokes and giggling like kindergarteners is not helping the situation."

"Mr. President, I have tried for months to make you take notice of the fact that NONE of these girls have attended a single one of my lectures," the head of the math department interjects

"Nor any of mine!" says the head of English

"Mine either"
"I've only seen one or two of them"
"Same here!"

President Kelly has to bang his gavel to get everyone to quiet down. "Yes, as I said, I am well aware the girls don't seem to put much importance in actually attending classes. Our problem is, what we are going to do about it."

"I think this sorority should be disbanded and all in attendance tossed out of the University." Crawford Decker speaks up. "Those girls are dangerous. The murdered my son!"

"Yes Crawford" President Kelly sighs "We have all heard about your son." Most at the table roll their eyes and nod in agreement.

"Well if you all know what's going on and about these girls, why is that sorority still open? Why are these girls still in school?" Decker asks

A few board members look away, some pretend to take notes. There are a few coughs and throat clearings.

"No one here will stand with me and put and end to this travesty?" Decker tries again to get someone to listen, but to no avail.

"Crawford, there are things . . . forces at work here that . . . well sometimes you just have to make concessions . . . after all we are an institution that relies on donations from . . ."

"ARE YOU TELLING ME SOMEONE IS PAYING YOU OFF?" Decker explodes

"Now Crawford, please, calm down. Pay off is such a tacky word don't you think?" Kelly says

"Well what would YOU call it?" Decker will not be calmed "You're letting students stay here and get degrees when they don't deserve them? They can just buy a diploma?"

"You're misunderstanding the situation Crawford." Kelly tries again "We know it looks bad, but these girls aren't exactly going to end up being brain surgeons or rocket scientists."

"That's for sure" someone says. Giggles ensue again.

"This is unbelievable!" Crawford continues to freak "How much are these girls' families paying you, to make it worth your abandoning all your principles."

"Pardon my saying this" the math dept head speaks up "But to be frank, our department can't afford to have principles"

"Neither can the English department" Another board member speaks up

Decker looks around the room in disbelief as members from all the University's departments, one by one, agree.

"All of you?" He says "My GOD, doesn't anyone believe in justice?"

"Yes, we do" Kelly says "But we also know that sometimes you have to consider the needs of the many, over the desires of the few."

The door opens and two security guards enter.

"Mr. Crawford is leaving, please see that he gets to his car safely" Kelly instructs the guards.

"You haven't heard the end of this!" Crawford threatens as he's escorted out of the board room.

Once he's gone the mood in the room lightens.

"Okay, our quarterly checks are here." Kelly announces to the group. "Oh looks like Morgan Hollingsworth will be making the Dean's list again . . "

Each department head nods as the checks are handed out.

"Oh and look, Chelsea Brady is getting that A in Physics. Looks like her grandfather cares about her education. . ." Kelly opens another envelope "And the Marketing department head will be glad to know Miss Brady's grandfather is VERY interested in her getting a degree in business."

The dept head takes the check "YESSSS, now we can afford to send my son to Harvard."

A few board members look at him "What? I should send him here?"

The meeting officially ends on that note as everyone laughs heartily.

Code Name: Girls Next Door

*In honor of Easter and bunnies everywhere.*
In the night sky over the legendary Playboy Mansion, there appears.....The Bunny Signal!







"Holly! Kendra! Hurry! It's the bunny signal!" Bridget runs through the mansion
"That means somewhere in the world, a blonde needs our help!"

"I'll get the costumes!" Kendra says

"And I'll get the jet!" says Bridget

"And I'll tell Hef we're leaving!" Holly says

Moving at top speed, which for the girls means about as fast as an ice burg in the north Atlantic, the Girls Next Door, spring into action.

Holly pops her head into Hef's office, "Daddy! Daddy Puffin!" She croons in her baby talk/Marylin Monroe voice "The bunny signal has been activated and we need to leave for a while"

Hef looks up from his paperwork and smiles "Yes, yes, by all means, if a blonde needs our help you girls have to go!"

Holly kisses Hef on the head and goes to meet up with the other two. Once aboard the Playboy Jet "The Big Bunny" the girls gather around the laptop to hear about their assignment.

"It says here, we were summoned by Marlena Evans-Craig-Brady-Black-North-Black-Dimera" Holly says

"Wow all those people?" Kendra asks

"No honey," Bridget explains "It's one woman, just lots of last names. She's been married a few times I guess."

"Oh," Kendra says "So what's going on with them..um...her?"

"Well, from what it says here, her blonde daughter is about to leave on an around the world trip with her husband and daughter." Holly reads

"What's wrong with that?" Kendra asks

"Well according to this, they are going to leave on a sail boat, and the husband is a real dummy who sank the 3 boats they were on, and shipwrecked them, one, two, three times." Holly says "Marlena is afraid her daughter's dumb blonde luck won't hold out this time and needs our help to stop her daughter."

"Eww shipwrecked." Bridget says "I don't know why anyone would want to be shipwrecked."

"I don't think anyone WANTS to be shipwrecked," Holly says "It just kind of happens. Anyway, we will be landing in Salem in about an hour so everyone be ready."

"Right! Do these shorts make my butt look good?" Kendra asks, doing her famous booty bounce

"Yes sweetie they do." Holly answers

"Good, then I'm ready!" Kendra announces

The Big Bunny lands at the Salem International Airport, 15 minutes later. The
GND jump into their waiting stretch limo and arrive at Marlena's penthouse.

Marlena answers the door "Oh thank GOD you got here so quickly!"

"Yes ma'am, we hurried." Bridget says "What's the situation like?"

"Well, it was under control until my...late..um...current...husband...Belle's father...gave them a boat." Marlena struggles to contain her panic "Up until then they were just saying they were going to leave, but now they actually can!"

"Hold on" Kendra says "You mean they planned to sail around the world and they didn't even have a boat? Did they have money to buy the boat?"

"No!" Marlena says "Neither one of them are working. They just decided it would be a great adventure."

"Wow," Kendra says "Even I'm not that dumb."

"Okay, let's get to work girls!" Holly says "Where is Belle?"

"Right in here" Marlena leads the GND into the living room where Belle is sitting listening to Claire read her a book.

"Ohh Claire, that's so exciting" Belle says "Now that Dora has the map do you think she will find the baby bunny in time?"

"Yeah, mom, you've heard this story before, you know she does." Claire rolls her eyes

"Belle?" Bridget sits next to her "We are The Girls Next Door, and we're here because your mom is worried about you sailing around the world."

"We're going on a long trip!" Belle chirps "Just me and Shawn and Claire. We're going to get a real pretty boat and sail all over the world and see all kinds of places we've never seen before. Just like Shawn and his mom and dad did when he was little!"

Claire looks up at Holly and mouths the words "HELP ME!"

"Well that sounds nice!" Kendra sits down on the other side of Belle "But don't you think maybe it's not too smart? I mean since Shawn hasn't had a lot of luck with boats lately."

"Hey! I'm smart!" Belle protests "I'm almost a nurse."

"Yes you are sweetie" Bridget says "But you have to understand it's a big trip you planning and your mom just doesn't think you have thought this through."

"I let Shawn do all the thinking for us." Belle smiles "He's real smart. He's gonna be a cop like his dad."

"Yes, we understand that." Holly says "But sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. You can't always get what you want."

Belle's face screws up at this. Her eyes fill with tears and she starts to shake.

"RUN FOR IT!" Claire screams "COVER YOUR EARS, SHE'S GOING TO BLOW!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU CAN'T TELL ME I CAN'T HAVE WHAT I WANT! MOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY TELL THEM I ALWAYS GET MY WAY, I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT!!!" Belle launches into a shrieking screaming fit.

Shawn comes running into the room. He grabs Belle, sits her down and gives her a huge cookie. She hesitates then takes a bite. Her crying slows down and she looks at Shawn.

"Another cookie?" Shawn pats her on the head and hands her another.

He gives the GNB a look and nods his head towards the other room. When they all have gathered Shawn demands to know what happened.

"Marlena!" Shawn says "You know how Belle is. We never, ever tell her she can't have something!"

"I know" Marlena hangs her head "But I was just worried something would happen to you guys if you try to sail around the world."

"Well I have it under control! I've been sailing since I was.." Shawn stops mid sentence and looks confused. He counts on his fingers and does some figures in the air while he mumbles to himself. "Let's see I was 5 and now I'm .... so minus 4 and carry the 7...."

"Yes Shawn, you've been sailing a long time." Marlena tries to prompt him.

"Yeah," Shawn says "And I know what I'm doing so BUTT OUT!" Shawn storms out of the room.

Marlena waits until he is out of ear shot and looks at the GNB. "Do you see why I am worried? This mullet head wants to take my daughter and my grand-daughter out into the open ocean on a boat! God knows what will happen to them!"

"We agree" Holly says "There is no way they should be out on the ocean."

"But what can we do?" Bridget asks

"Yeah, they seem pretty set on going" Kendra agrees

"I have a plan" Claire walks into the room. The four adults stare at her.

"Claire? What are you talking about? How are you talking?" Marlena looks shocked.

"No time to explain right now grandma" Claire says "I have had my contacts working on this since Dumb and Dumber announced this Magical Mystery Tour idea. When Pop-pop said he'd buy them the boat, it was because we already had our plan in motion."

"Who IS this little girl?" Holly askes

"She's my grand daughter, I think." Marlena's eyes are huge staring at Claire

"Look, there's no time to explain all the details, but do you guys remember the movie The Truman Show?"

"The one with Jim Carrey where he was in a fake world and he didn't know?" Bridget asks

"Ohh I love Jim Carrey!" Kendra says "He's going out with one of our friends Jenny McCarthy! She used to be a Playmate!"

"Yeah" Claire says "Well anyway, my organization has an area built and almost ready, that mimics down to the last detail, the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans. When Belle and Shawn leave the Salem harbor, their boat will release a gas making them fall into a deep sleep. Then my people will transport them to this area and place them on a duplicate boat. When they wake up, they will think they are on the ocean."

"Oh I get it," Holly says "They will think they are sailing out on the open sea, but really they will be safe in a big, kind of movie set."

"Correct." Claire says "We can watch them, and when they think they are close to a port or city they want to visit, we put them to sleep again and transport them to that city. We have duplicate boats ready to be placed in any harbor around the world. They will visit the city, go back to their boat, and before they can really sail away, will be once again transported back to the safe haven."

"Oh my God! Claire!" Marlena is speechless (for once) "I don't know how you are able to do this, but I am so glad you are."

"The less you know the better, grandma" Claire says "But for now you can rest assured, my idiot parents will not be in any danger."

"That is great!" Bridget says "Can we help?"

"Yes, you can." Claire says "That's why I let my grandma find out about the Bunny Signal. I knew she'd contact you and you would be able to help me with my plan. We need you three to keep Belle and Shawn busy while we finish outfitting the boat. Then you can help us transport them when we need to without attracting a lot of attention. The Playboy jet goes all over the world, no questions asked. No one wonders why the GND are in Madrid one day Athens the next, and two days later, off the coast of Sydney. Everyone will just figure Playboy is doing photo shoots in exotic locations."

"Right!" Bridget says "And the Playboy Jet can go places that would normally set off an alert with Homeland Security were it any other private jet. No one pays it any mind! Except reporters and the media, and we can handle those guys by just making sure a few Playmates wearing skimpy outfits get off the plane first to divert them."

"Exactly!" Claire says "Now you three go and inform your pilot we will be taking off in 24 hours. Grandma you go apologize to Dumb and Dumber and make them think you are all okay with this. I will call Pop-pop and tell him I have you on board with our plan."

"We're on it!" The GND leave to make arrangements

Claire goes to her laptop and checks her emails for updates.

Marlena turns to go into the living room to talk to Shelle. Before she leaves she turns to Claire and whispers "Thank you."
Then goes in to the new calm Belle who is listening while Shawn finishes reading her Dora The Explorer Finds The Baby Bunny.

The Men of DOOL!

Building on my comment yesterday on Prevuze, I proudly present,
THE MEN OF DAYS!

Hotter than Dr. Daniel, OH YEAH!

Let's get started shall we:

From my own hometown, Chillicothe IL, Josh Tayloer aka Roman Brady makes us all think older guys are pretty hot.


This might be an older picture, but oh my, isn't Drake Hogestyn or John Black good to look at?

Yo ho ho, I'll take me a bottle of Steven Nichols aka Patch!

Wasting away in prison, don't worry Bryan Dattilo aka Lucas Roberts; We'll wait for you!!

Again an older picture, but like a fine wine Peter Reckell aka Bo Brady just gets better with age!

Brains and HOTness do go together when it comes to Blake Barris aka Nick Fallon

But then again, who needs brains when you're as hot as Brandon Beemer aka Shawn Brady?

The English accent may just drive me over the edge. Quite possibly the HOTTEST man on DOOL or any other soap, James Scott aka EJ Wells, takes home that title!!

And speaking of accents, admit it ladies, at one time or another you have thought about what it would be like to have a Thaao Penghlis aka Andre/Tony Dimera sandwich!!!

I'll take commands from this ex Marine, any day!! Jay Kenneth Johnson aka Phillip Kiriakis knows how to lead!

Last but OMG not even close to the LEAST, MMMMMMM says it all when you are talking about Darin Brooks aka Max Brady!

Boys Night Out

Roman and John sit in the Cheatin' Heart tossing back a few.

"To Bo!" John raises his beer

They clink and drink.

"To Bo's pancreas" Roman toasts

Another drink

"To Chelsea!...And her pancreas!" John laughs

They both drink and laugh heartily.

"Oh man, I really needed this." John says "Just a night out away from Blondie and her 'get in touch with your feelings'. I swear that woman is the most annoying.."

"Hey hey," Roman interrupts "That's my ex wife you're talking about"

"And??" John asks

"And don't forget whiney, pushy, and won't shut the hell up!" Roman laughs

Another round of good ol boy guffaws ensues.

"Man I gotta tell ya" John says "This dying and coming back all changed with a new personality is pretty sweet. I get to be all kinds of sarcastic and snide and no one hassles me about it."

"Yeah, it's a pretty good deal" Roman agrees "I know I liked it every time I did it."

"So which time was your favorite?" John asks "Because I gotta tell ya, this one ranks right up there with the time I came back as you."

"Hmm," Roman thinks about it "Well the time I came back as that Kositchek guy was pretty cool, but this time has it's moments."

John looks at his watch "What time was Steve supposed to get here?"

"As soon as he is done taking Hope home" Roman answers "You know, Bo asking him to take care of her and all."

"So..." John says with his little sideways grin "You think he's taking CARE of her?"

"Hope?" Roman says "No way, he's all about Kay"

"Tell the truth," John says "You ever think about...you know 'having Hope'?

"OH GOD NO!" Roman blanches "I'm not into the bony, drag queen look! I like my women a little more padded, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, me too." John says "Like Anna. Man I tell ya, Tony is one lucky bastard. And he doesn't even know it."

"Yeah there are days I wish I hadn't messed that up" Roman sighs "But there are only so many personalities you can take before things get really messed up."

"I'm with you there!" John agrees "Blondie is hot but man oh man she just flips moods so fast, there are times I think I should just open the door and toss in a Hershey bar and wait a few minutes before I come in."

Man laughs and fist shakes all around.

"Hey, what's this I hear about Belle and Shawn wanting to sail off into the sunset?" Roman asks

"Oh Lord, don't get me started" John groans "I don't know what those two idiots are thinking. Or what they are thinking with! Shawn is a nice kid, but he is as dumb as a box of rocks."

"Dumb as a box of rocks, you must be talking about Shawn!" Phillip joins the party with a fresh pitcher of beer

"Hey Lt. Dan!" Roman jokes "Yeah we were talking about Forest, Forest Brady"

"Watch it now," Phillip says "Don't be insulting my best bud...that's my job!"

Another round of fist shakes, man laughs, and shoulder punches.

"So men, what are we drinking to?" Phillip raises his glass

"To Sir Mix A Lot! For saying what we all wish we could!" John says

The three drink and launch into a chorus of Baby Got Back

"So how goes it with Chloe?" Roman asks Phillip

"You mean the Diva Star?" Phillip says "I never noticed how much she looks like one of those damn dolls, big head and all."

John does a beer spit take on that one "HEY MAN! Don't say stuff like that when I'm drinking! You're making me waste beer!!"

"Oh dude I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you abuse alcohol!" Phillip laughs

"To BEER!" All three grab their mugs and chug race.

"How do you start a pirate joke?" A voice behind them asks

"A PIRATE WALKS IN TO A BARRRRRRRRR" Everyone greets Steve with back slaps and fist shakes

"How's the newest member of the baby-daddy club doing?" Roman asks

"Hey, I'm doing fine" Steve says "And I'm happy to report our man Bo is awake and wanting to go home already."

Cheers and toasts to Bo ensue.

"Okay now I have been trying to get this straight, and I think I have it down" John says "Roman, you are my cousin, and Kayla is my cousin. Steve would be my cousin-in-law, and Bo is sort of my cousin. And Phillip, you are Bo's brother but not related to me, unless you count the time Roman and your mom were married, which makes you my...what step-cousin??"

"Stop stop" Phillip says "You're killing my buzz!"

"You could drive yourself insane trying to figure out how everyone in this town is related" Steve says "Let's just say most of the family trees around here, don't branch out much."

"All I know is with all this Colleen - Santo stuff, we're more messed up than we ever were." Roman says

"You can say that again," Phillip agrees "It took me forever to convince Shawn that Belle wasn't his sister or cousin or aunt or whatever. And I'm still not sure he believes me. In a way it really was like talking to Forest Gump."

"Well, Belle would have to gain about 50 IQ points to be Jenny" Steve laughs

"Hey pal!" John does his best insulted voice "That's my daughter you're talking about! Or so Blondie says anyway. And I say she's need at least 60 IQ points!"

"Since you keep calling Marlena, Blondie, does that make you Dagwood?" Roman asks

"Well I DO have the hair for it!" John laughs

"And he has a thing for sandwiches" Steve agrees

Another round of laughter and male bonding.

"BAR WENCH!" Steve yells "Another round for me and my posse!"

The waitress nods and heads to the bar. As the bar tender pulls out another pitcher, Journey's Any Way You Want It comes on the juke box. This prompts the Hole-In-The-Head gang to launch into another sing-a-long, complete with air guitar solos all around.

"Do you think we should mention to them they're drinking non-alcoholic beer?" the waitress asks.

"Nah" the bartender smiles "It's more fun this way. Besides I promised their wives and girlfriends I wouldn't tell."

My Name Is Chelsea

"You know the kind of girl who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why her life sucks? Well, that was me. Every time something good happened to me, something bad was always waiting around the corner. Karma. That's when I realized I had to change. So I made a list of everything bad I'd ever done, and one by one I'm going to make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person. My name is Chelsea."

Chelsea comes down the stairs at Bo and Hope's house. Shawn and Claire are sitting on the couch watching Sponge Bob.

"No Daddy!" Claire says "Sponge Bob is a SPONGE. That's why he dries out whenever he goes into Sandy's dome"

Shawn looks confused. "So Sandy can't breathe under water, but she lives under water."

Claire rolls her eyes and tries to explain, then she sees Chelsea.

"Aunt Chelsea!" Claire says "Are you all better from helping Grandpa?"

"Yes baby I am," Chelsea picks up Claire and hugs her. Shawn sits on the sofa laughing at the TV.

Chelsea notices the mail on the table and picks it up. There is an invitation in the pile. As she reads it, Chelsea is shocked.

"Shawn! When did Max and Stephanie decide to get married?" Chelsea asks

"Huh? Oh a week ago I guess." Shawn goes back to his cartoon

"Hmm, that give me an idea." Chelsea says to herself. She pulls out her list and reads it over. There it is, #57 - Did anything and everything to break up Max and Stephanie. Chelsea knew if she made their wedding really special, it would make up for how badly she treated Stephanie and how hard she tried to make sure Max didn't go out with her.

Chelsea flashes back to writing "WHORE" on Stephanie's locker. Trying to make Max jealous by pretending to be a big skank ho with a bunch of other guys. Making up all kinds of disasters so Max would notice her. Yep this would be her next project.

Then Chelsea notices the invitation is addressed to Shawn and Belle. She looks through the pile to see if there is one for her.

"Shawn didn't an invitation come for me?" Chelsea asks.

"I don't think so." Shawn says "That one says Shawn and Belle and one guest as long as it isn't Chelsea"

Chelsea is disappointed. But not surprised. Then she notices the date. "May 22nd? That's my birthday!!! Why are they getting married on MY birthday!!"

"Huh?" Shawn was engrossed in Sponge Bob again "I don't know, because that's the only day Sami doesn't already have the church reserved for?"

"But that means everyone is going to be at the wedding and I won't have anyone to celebrate my birthday with! That's not fair!" Chelsea says

"Aunt Chelsea," Claire says "Karma"

Chelsea realizes Claire is right. She's turning this into something about her again. Just like she always did. But not this time.

"I'll be back later" Chelsea calls to Shawn as she hurries out the door.

Shawn sort of waves and says "Yeah, okay....Claire, hurry they're going to do the 'Weenie Hut Jr.' song!!! I love that one!!!"

Chelsea is glad the Cheating Heart is fairly empty when she gets there. She goes to the bar and sits down. Max looks a little surprised to see her.

"Max," Chelsea begins "Look I understand you not wanting me to come to your wedding, but I promise I am a changed person. I just want you and Stephanie to be happy. And I want to help you guys plan the wedding so it will be really special"

"I don't know Chelsea" Max sighs "You know Stephanie likes you, but you just seem to be so two faced lately."

"I know and I feel real bad about that!" Chelsea whines "I have changed though, and I really want to come to your wedding."

"But what about your birthday?" Max smirks "You're going to sit there and tell me that didn't sting just a little?"

"Well yes, at first" Chelsea said "But I realize you guys didn't do it to be vindictive, so it's no big deal."

Max has to turn around to stifle a huge grin, "Yeah we weren't trying to ruin your day, *snicker*, why would we do that? *snort, chuckle*"

Chelsea doesn't notice the sarcasm, "So where is Steph today?"

"Oh she's over at the bridal shop picking out a dress." Max says

"Great, I'm going over there to talk to her and offer to help." Chelsea rushes out the door as Max watches and laughs to himself.

Chelsea gets to the bridal shop just as Stephanie is walking in. "Steph!" She calls "Look I just want to apologize for all the bad stuff I've done to you. And if you let me help with your wedding, then I can cross you and Max off my list. So what can I do to help?"

Stephanie is a little skeptical, but starts to think about what her wedding would be if she lets her only other "friend" Morgan help her....."Okay Chels, you help me out and we will call it even."

Chelsea and Stephanie go into the shop together. As Stephanie tries on dresses, Chelsea is on the phone non stop. A flurry of phone calls and dresses pass the next few hours.

"Okay, I called Sami and got the names of all her wedding people" Chelsea says triumphantly "And we are all set for the caterer, the photographer, and the flowers"

Stephanie is smiling but looking a little sad.

"What's wrong?" Chelsea asks

"I love this dress," Stephanie says "But it's $5000! And with my mom on maternity leave and my dad . . . well being my dad, I can't afford this one!"

"Nonsense!" Chelsea says. She goes up to the sales lady and whispers something to her. The lady looks shocked, then quickly jots something down on a piece of paper. She hands it to Chelsea, who looks it over, and writes something herself. She hands it back to the lady who looks like someone just shot her. Chelsea taps the paper and gives the lady a stern look. The lady nods and sighs deeply.

"What was that all about?" Stephanie asks

"I made sure you got the Sami Brady discount." Chelsea smiles "That dress is now $500."

"OH MY GOD!" Stephanie is shocked "Thank you Chelsea!"

"Think nothing of it," Chelsea says "The caterer has agreed to give you a huge break on the food, prime rib of course. And my Grandpa Kiriakis says we can use the ballroom at the Penthouse Grill for the reception, free of charge.
The flowers will be thrown in as his gift."

"Chelsea, you are amazing!" Stephanie says "How can I ever thank you?"

"You already did," Chelsea says "It's worth it to me to be able to cross you off my list."

"Well then you have my permission to do just that!" Stephanie says. "Hey Chelsea, do you think I could see your list? I think it is so cool that you are going to make up for all the bad stuff you've done."

"Sure Steph" Chelsea hands her the list "I have some crossed off already, but I still have a long way to go. And I am going to do each and every one of them."

Stephanie reads over the list, smiling at a few things here and there. Then her expression changes. She frowns a little and looks at Chelsea.

"Did you say you are determined to do EVERYTHING on this list?" Stephanie asks

"I pretty much have to." Chelsea answers "If I don't I won't be paying Karma back."

"So you have every intention of doing #174?" Stephanie asks

"Well, yeah, if it's on the list." Chelsea says

"And the way you do that is to do something you didn't do, or give something back you took, or apologize in some way right?" Stephanie grits her teeth as she talks

"Umm, yes, Steph what's wrong?" Chelsea says hesitantly

Stephanie suddenly spins around and slaps Chelsea across the face. She throws the list and storms off. "Get away from me Chelsea! You haven't changed and you never will!!"

Chelsea is shocked. She picks up her list and reads it. Then she sees #174 and her heart skips a beat.

#174 - Teased Max for over a year, by promising to sleep with him and never did.

Chloe's Real Audition

Chloe stands outside the Salem University Amphitheater and wonders just how many people there are standing there waiting to audition.

A thousand? Maybe two? She sighs and checks her sheet music one more time to make sure she hasn't changed her mind about which song she wants to use.

A couple hours later, Chloe sits in a large room full of chairs. She's made it past the first round of auditions and now must wait her turn to audition for the big judges.

As she sits quietly listening to her ipod, someone sits down next to her. She turns to see it is, Ryan Seacrest.

"Hi there," He smiles "I'm Ryan Seacrest, and the producers tell me you are quite a talent."

"Um, thank you." Chloe says "I hope the other judges like me."

"Well I am sure they will. So much in fact, we'd like to talk to you, film a little background on you and let our viewers get to know you." Ryan says

"All right," Chloe says "What do you want to know?"

"Everything" Ryan answers "Now are you from Salem?"

"Well not originally," Chloe says "I have had a pretty hard life, actually."

Several hours later, Ryan is back in his dressing room with an ice pack on his head. A knock on the door brings no response from him. The door opens and an assistant quietly says "Ryan?"

"Yeah, Bobby, I'm here, come on in." Ryan says

"I hope I'm not bothering you, but the director told me to bring you the shooting schedule for tomorrow and let you know we got the extra footage on that Chloe girl." Bobby says

"Oh God," Ryan groans "Don't even say that girl's name to me! Do you have any idea how messed up her story is?"

"Yeah I think I have some idea." Bobby says as he pulls out a disc and puts it into Ryan's laptop "I thought I'd show you some of the rough footage we shot today."

Ryan pulls the ice bag off his head and watches the screen. A few stock shots of Salem. Chloe pointing out this and that, normal stuff.

"Wait, stop right there." Ryan says

Belle comes up on the screen, and starts talking about Chloe.

"Well, at first she and my brother fought all the time, but later we all knew they were destined to be together. At least until she came back this time, and claimed she doesn't know where my brother is, or how he disappeared." Belle whines "I know she knows something, but she's not telling us the whole truth."

"Oh wonderful" Ryan sighs "Another drama queen."

"I don't think drama queen even begins to describe this chick." Bobby says "From what I was able to dig up, she has been causing trouble, lying, manipulating and scamming on people pretty much since the day she was born. She held off marrying her current husband for pretty close to a year because she had a 3 inch scar on her cheek."

"How exactly would a 3 inch scar keep her from marrying someone?" Ryan asks

"According to what we were able to find out, she was convinced it made her some kind of horrible deformed monster." Bobby answers

"A three inch scar?" Ryan says "Oh GOD, anything else? Or do I even want to know?"

"Oh just lots of people saying they don't trust her, they never know when she's lying or telling the truth, stuff like that." Bobby fast forwards through most of the footage.

"Oh wonderful" Ryan goes back to the ice bag "Do you know that idiot told me her ENTIRE life story? I swear if I have to hear the names Brady and Phillip one more time I am going to slice my throat."

"Well we can edit the footage and just show her doing the tour guide thing I guess." Bobby says

"Well unless you want to feature her on the next 18 shows, yeah that would be a good idea." Ryan says "But don't toss the footage, it will come in handy for the blooper section of the DVD."

"So you don't think she'll make it?" Bobby asks

Ryan smiles and lays back on the couch with his ice bag, "Oh trust me for once we are going to be thanking GOD for Simon Cowell."

Chloe stands outside the doors to the "big" audition. Ryan is chatting with her trying, (unsuccessfully) to keep her from whining.

"So, Chloe, are you nervous at all?" Ryan asks

"Well I have auditioned for Julliard and the Metropolitan Opera, so no not really" Chloe brags

"Well then our little show should just be glad you graced us with your presence then huh?" Ryan quips

Chloe looks a little confused then offended, but before she can respond, Ryan opens the door and tells her to go in.

Chloe walks into the room with her usual "I am so much better than you" attitude. Randy, Paula, and Simon of course aren't impressed.

"So Chloe, it says here you are an opera singer." Randy reads

"Well yes, but I can sing just about anything" Chloe says

"And why do you think you are the next American Idol?" Simon asks

"Well look at me!" Chloe brags "I am the total package, I can sing, I can dance, and of course I am beautiful."

"And not at all vain or self centered." Simon mumbles

"Excuse me?" Chloe is insulted

"What will you be singing today?" Randy interjects quickly

"I'll be singing an aria, of course. From Carmen." Chloe says, then launches into her performance.

As we all know, yes Chloe can sing, but today, well lets just say there's a problem. Without music behind her she starts out flat. And it just gets worse the longer she sings.

Randy starts to giggle. Paula slaps him. Simon is already sliding down in his chair hiding behind a bunch of papers trying to control his laughter. Paula slaps him. Randy has tears in his eyes and struggles to maintain control. Simon has given up trying and bursts into full fledged laughing out loud.

Chloe stops mid note and stares.

"What's wrong?" Chloe is confused

"Oh darling, where do I begin?" Simon tries to breathe "That was horrendous darling. Absolutely terrible."

"WHAT?" Chloe is shocked

"Really it was pretty pitchy" Randy says "And you don't sound like you mean what you are singing."

"You were very nice" Paula says "But I kind of agree with Randy, your heart isn't in what you are singing."

Chloe explodes when she hears this. "HE GOT TO YOU DIDN'T HE? You have been talking to Brady! He told me that! I don't sing with my heart. What the hell does that mean anyway? You people are crazy!"

"Well right now my dear YOU are the one who is ranting and raving, not us." Simon points out.

"Oh you haven't seen ranting and raving!" Chloe threatens "This is mild compared to what I am capable of!"

"Well at least you admit you are insane." Simon smirks

Chloe screams and runs at Simon. She almost makes it to him but is caught by security just in time. They wrestle her to the ground and handcuff her.
Chloe puts up a fight, but it's no use. Security leads her away kicking and screaming.

"Well that was interesting." Randy says

"I wonder how she'll react when she sees it on TV in a few months?" Simon muses "She made a complete ass out of herself."

"Something tells me meltdowns like that are nothing new for her." Paula observes.

"Well then, on to the next victim" Simon picks up the audition list "Ciara Brady. Someone tell her we are ready for her."

Hey Mickey

Mickey Horton: BEFORE and AFTER


Hey Mickey (a parody)

Oh Mickey, you're so old
You're so old you're growing mold, hey Mickey, hey Mickey.
Oh Mickey, you're so old
You're so old you're growing mold, hey Mickey, hey Mickey
Oh Mickey, you're so old
You're so old you're growing mold, hey Mickey, hey Mickey.....

Hey Mickey
You haven't been around for I don't know how long.
You think you'll just show up, like you were never gone.
Why can't you stay away, and just leave it alone Mickey?

Cause when you hook up with Mags we're gonna all get sick.
You're givin' us the chills, just the image is so ick!
Can't you get a grip and just leave Mags alone Mickey?

Oh Mickey what a pity, you don't understand.
We'll notice that you've changed into a younger man.
Oh Mickey, we aren't stupid, can't you understand?
It's just not you Mickey!
Ooh you're the new Mickey, new Mickey
The new improved Mickey.

Hey Mickey
Now when you show up on the screen, yeah we're gonna know
That you used to be on another TV show.
There's something you should know, we aren't that dumb, Mickey

Now if you and Maggie.......Ewww, please no geezer sex
Even Squint and Doc, made us wanna retch.
Just give us all a break, and just say NO, Mickey.

So come on admit it to us, we know that you will.
Doing scenes with Maggie, will just make us all feel ill.
Oh please just get real, she ain't Donna Mills, Mickey.

Oh Mickey, what a pity, you don't understand.
We'll notice that you've changed, into a younger man.
Oh Mickey, we aren't stupid, can't you understand
It's just not you Mickey!
Ooh you're the new Mickey, new Mickey
The new improved Mickey!

What's REALLY wrong with Bo

Bo lays in his hospital bed, sweating and moaning. Hope sits by his side looking both sad and like she needs a good meal.

Down in the lab, Kayla and Lexi work tirelessly to find a cure for him. Formulas are discussed, results are poured over, microscopes are used. Daniel just stands back and looks amused by the whole process.

Two priests walk down the hall with a purpose. No one pays any attention to them as they quietly make their way through the hospital, speaking to no one, not looking around or making eye contact with the staff. They arrive at Bo's room and pause a moment before walking in.

Hope looks up as the priests enter. She is confused, as usual, but before she can ask why they are there, Bo opens his eyes and sees them.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Bo screams

One of the priests opens his bible and starts to read, while the other sprinkles holy water around. A few drops hit Bo and he screams in agony.

"Bo what's going on?" Hope is freaked "Why are you acting like this?"

"Make them leave!" Bo hisses "Get them out of here!"

"Mrs Brady" one priest says "I am Father Merrin. Perhaps you've heard of me? I am an exorcist. And this is my assistant Brother Paul"

"Get out of here you son of a bull dog!" Bo screams

"BO!" Hope is shocked "why is an exorcist here? What's going on? Why are you talking like that?"

"Shut up! You lint licking cootie queen!" Bo shrieks "French toast and get out of here!"

Hope backs away from Bo and stares. The priests go back to their prayers and holy water tossing. Bo screams in anger and frustration as they do.

"AAAA STOP!" Bo writhes "It BURNS! Stop, Marshall Tucker that hurts! Get the Hobken New Jersey out of my room you forking cork sockers!"

Kayla and Lexi hear the commotion and rush to Bo's room. They burst in and are horrified to see Bo levitating above his bed, while the priests pray and chant.

"Oh my God! Kayla, Lexi! Bo is possessed!" Hope cries "It must have been what was wrong with him all along!"

"I was hoping you wouldn't figure that out." The three turn to see Daniel has entered the room. "Yes Hope, Bo is possessed. And you weren't supposed to know that until it was too late."

"You KNEW?" Kayla says "You knew we were wasting our time trying to figure out what was wrong with his pancreas?"

"Yeah, I figured pancreas symptoms would keep you busy for a while" Daniel says "And it would have worked if these two hadn't shown up."

Daniel takes a step towards the priests, but is driven back when the younger one holds up a cross and sprinkles holy water around Bo's bed. Daniel hisses and backs up towards the door. The priest sprinkles holy water around Bo's bed to keep Daniel from coming any closer. Meanwhile Father Merrin continues the exorcism.

"Nooo!" Bo screams "Let me out of here you pork swapping astronauts!"

"What is he saying?" Kayla is confused "Those aren't exactly curse words."

"Bo is being possessed by one of the most dangerous demons there is." Father Merrin explains "A demon that can only be found in Ireland, around Gallaway. It is commonly called, the BRADY demon."

"The Brady demon?" Lexi says "I don't understand, how could there be a Brady demon? The Bradys are good people"

"Ah yes, that's what Satan wants you to think." Father Merrin explains "Bradys appear to be good. But they are really the highest form of evil!. They kill you with kindness. They make you trust them by being beyond nice to you, then turn on you and kill you."

"That's crazy!" Kayla says "I'm a Brady and I'm not possessed."

Father Merrin turns and touches Kayla's forehead with his crucifix. Suddenly smoke starts to pour from her ears. As Lexi watches in horror Kayla bursts into flames and disappears.

"OH MY GOD!" Lexi says "I don't believe it!"

"Oh get real!" Daniel snarls from the far corner of the room "Don't act like you haven't known all these years. The Bradys never go to jail, they never die, they never get into any real trouble. Don't you ever wonder why that is?"

"Umm because they are in league with Satan?" Lexie takes a stab at it

"Ding ding ding, give the little lady her prize." Daniel says sarcastically "And since the Brady's are 'too good to be true' it would be unthinkable for them to really curse. That's the reason for all the euphemisms instead of dirty words."

"But Bo was raised a Brady." Hope says "He thought he WAS a Brady for years. Why is the demon just now possessing him?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe because lately everyone has been pointing out that Bo isn't really a Brady. And since OMB died helping Bo live, it could be the demon has decided Bo is Brady enough and has decided to possess him now." Father Merrin explains

"Hope!" OMB's voice suddenly comes out of Bo "Why don't you bring me grand children round the pub fer some chowda!"

Hope screams in horror. As Father Merrin says a quick Hail Mary and tosses more holy water at Bo.

"ARRRG! It burns!" Bo screams, then suddenly Colleen's voice comes from him "Kind Fadda, ye'll be needin ta stop doin that ta me. Oi'm a good Catholic goil! I go ta charch and follow yer teachins ta the letter."

"Back demon!" Father Merrin yells "Back to the depths of Purgatory with you!"

"I thought demons came from Hell." Hope says

"Well normally they are" Brother Paul says as he scurries around handing Father Merrin things "But the Brady demon isn't that evil. It wants to be evil. In fact it aspires one day to be evil. But it just can't seem to cross that line between evil and stupidly annoying."

"I get it now!" Lexi says "The reason my father has been trying to kill the Bradys all these years! He knew they were all possessed and being a devout Catholic, he saw it as his sacred mission! To rid the world of stupid annoying people!"

"Your Aunt Colleen is sewing Hitler's socks in HELL!" Bo screams "Stuff mud up your nose you stinky cheese doodle headed barnacle buster!"

"Wow, he's getting serious." Hope says "Are you sure this will work?"

"It just takes time" Father Merrin says as he sprinkles holy water around.

"Well heaven knows since the regular writers are back, we have tons of that!" Lexi mutters under her breath

"Okay since all you geniuses seem to have this all figured out, I'm going to go ahead and go home." Daniel says "Have a nice life, losers."

Before any of them can react, Daniel disappears in a pillar of fire and smoke. The second after he is gone, Bo goes completely ballistic.

"You'll never get rid of me! I will never leave! You marshmallow toasted chunks of particle board! Pickle all of you kumquats! Take your Fraggle Rock holy water and stow it with your hand washables in your grocer's freezer section!" Bo writhes and twists on the bed "You have no power over me! I am Princess Toadstool! I am Barbie's other friend Midge! No one can expel me! I will hey diddle diddle your wop bob a loo bop your little lamsey diveys all over Engleburt Humperdink!"

Suddenly Bo falls silent. The room turns instantly cold. As everyone in the room watches, a mist rises from Bo's limp body. It rises towards the ceiling then hovers for a few seconds. Then disappears.

Bo's eyes flutter then open.

"Fancy face?" Bo says

"I'm right here Bo!" Hope rushes to his side "Oh thank God you're okay!"

Father Merrin turns to Brother Paul and nods. They pack up their things and quietly walk out.

Lexi smiles as she watches Bo and Hope. As she turns to leave she sees movement out of the corner of her eye. She turns in time to see Daniel standing in the hallway smiling. She goes out to say something but he's gone before she gets out the door. On the wall next to where he was standing, there's a note.
Lexi takes it and reads:

Don't forget, Sami's children are Bradys!