Laverne and Shirley: 2008

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Schlemeele, Schlamazo
Hasenphep Incorporated....... You know the rest.

It's morning, and as usual Chelsea Feeney and Stephanie DeFazio are late for work.

"Steph! Come on! If you hadn't stayed out so late last night with that sailor you'd be able to wake up on time!" Chelsea complains

"Put a sock in it, Chels! Not all of us have the perfect boyfriend"Stephanie rips a strip of tape off her bangs and pulls on a shirt with a big S on the chest.

"Oh Nick's not that perfect." Chelsea sighs "I really wish that dreamy Dr. Daniel would ask me out."

"There you go again Chels. What is it with you and marrying a docotor?" Stephanie says

"You know I've always wanted to marry a doctor!" Chelsea says "Just because I have dreams, don't make fun of me."

"Well I live in the real world." Stephanie snaps

"You mean the real smut world" Chelsea replies

"Hey, at least I don't still sleep with a stuffed cat!" Stephanie says

"Don't you make fun of Boo Boo Kitty!" Chelsea whines "I've had him since I was a kid"

"Since when did you STOP being a kid?" Stephanie says

"Well, I'd rather be a kid than a floozy who dates any guy with a car and a decent pick up line." Chelsea says

"Hey!" Stephanie counters "Don't forget who you're talking to. You've dated your share of creeps and losers!"

On cue the door of the sorority house opens and Nick and Max walk in.

"Hello" Max calls

"Guys, we don't have time today" Chelsea tries to shoo them out the door, but they just dodge her and sit down on the couch.

"We came over to tell you some big news." Max says "Big news you guys will be VERY grateful to hear."

"What, you're moving to China?" Stephanie says

"No.." Nick says "We can't speak Japanese, and Max is allergic to Chop Suey, so why would we move there?"

"Okay, fine just tell us your news and get out!" Chelsea says

"In time in time." Max smiles "Now, what will you girls give us for bringing you this tasty bit of information?"

The guys look at the girls with leering grins while the girls roll their eyes.

"We'll give you 5 dollars." Chelsea says and holds out some money

"SOLD!" Max jumps at the bills "No changing your minds either, we made a deal."

"Just spill it!" Stephanie says

"Okay, but this is big, so prepare yourselves" Max drags out the conversation "We heard, down at the Cheating Heart.....America's Next Top Model is doing a casting call here in Salem today at 2 O'clock"

The girls squeal and jump up and down at this.

"See I told you we should have held out for $10" Nick says

"Okay guys now out! We have to get ready to go be models" Chelsea grabs the guys by the ears and drags them towards the door.

"OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!" They guys protest as they are dragged out.

"FINE" Max wrenches loose as they reach the doorway. "But remember who it was that let you know about this amazing opportunity when you're rich and famous models."

"Yeah yeah, NO GO!" Chelsea slams the door on the guys

"Are you crazy?" Stephanie says "You think WE can be models?"

"Why not? We're pretty, we have a great sense of style and we aren't too bright, what's to keep us from being models?" Chelsea says

"Oh I don't know, Tyra Banks and all the other judges maybe?" Stephanie says

"Oh pish posh! We'll wow them. You'll see, now lets get some killer outfits together and hurry." Chelsea dashes around the room looking for clothes

"Chels! Come on!" Stephanie stops her "Does your balloon ever land? First you talk me into coming to college. Then you drag me into this sorority. We don't fit in with all these high fashion types."

"Well aren't you just a negative Nancy!" Chelsea chides "I for one want something better than this lousy little town. I want to break out and be someone!"

"You ARE someone!" Stephanie says "You're Chelsea Feeney. You'll end up quitting college, going to work in some office, marry Nick and have kids. That's your future. And I'll be right behind you."

Chelsea sits on the couch and pouts.

"Aw come on Chels, don't be like that." Stephanie sits next to her "I didn't mean to bring you down. I just want you to be realistic."

"But you had a dream once." Chelsea says "You were a race car driver, you had an exciting life. You went for it."

"Yeah and look where it got me." Stephanie says "I wrecked my car, lost my sponsors and ended up right back where I started here in Salem with my loser parents who obviously think they can do better than me, because they're having another kid."

"Well look at me!" Chelsea says "I killed my brother, and Ford. I've been a drunk, a druggie. I lied, schemed and disappointed my family time after time, but I still have faith."

Stephanie just sits looking a little dejected. Chelsea sits next to her for a few seconds then smiles and puts her arm around her and starts to sing....

"I come home, in the morning light..." Chelsea looks for a reaction "My mother says, 'When you gonna live your life right...." She looks again for a reaction.
"Oh mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones....and girls..."

"They wanna have fu-un" Stephanie sings quietly

"Oh girls just wanna have fun?" Chelsea gets exicted "The phone rings, in the middle of the night..."

"My father yells, what you gonna do with your life?" Stephanie starts to get into it.

"Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one, And girls just wanna have fu-un, OH girls just wanna have fuuuun!!" Both girls jump off the couch and sing with joy.

"I knew you'd see it my way!" Chelsea says "Come on Steph, lets go to that audition!"

"Okay, but I get to wear the Dolce and Gabbana boots!" Stephanie says

"NO WAY, I was going to wear those" Chelsea protests

"They don't even fit you!" Stephanie argues as they run upstairs together.