Meanwhile Back On The Boat

Belle Black-Kiriakis-Brady sits in a beach chair on a sun drenched dock. Next to her the Fancy Face IX is tied up. She is deep in thought.

Shawn walks up with a totally normal look on his face (dazed and confused)

"Belle, I have a problem" he says

"I know Shawn, but we talked about this" Bell answeres "They just haven't invented a brain transplant yet."

"No, that's not what I'm talking about" Shawn says "I want to know where we are."

Belle looked at Shawn, got up and walkes over to him. She takes his face in her hands and looks deeply into his eyes.

"Shawn, listen carefully, we talked about this," Belle says quietly "We . . . are . . . on . . . the . . . dock"

"I . . know . . .that. . " Shawn imitates her "but . . .where . . .is . . .the . . dock?"

Belle takes a deep breath "Shawn the dock is here."

"I know" Shawn says "the dock is here, but where are we "

"Here, with the boat, there" Belle says

"I know the boat is there, but where is here?" Shawn looks confused.

"Here is the dock" Belle says

"And there is the boat" Shawn answers

"Right" Belle agrees

"What's right?" Shawn says

"That's right" Belle says

"That? What's that? The boat?" Shawn says

"Yes, there" Belle says

"But where is here?" Shawn insists

"Dad!" Claire interrupts them "We're in Australia"

Shawn looks up to see a college aged Claire step off the boat and on to the dock.
"Finally, someone who speaks English!" Shawn says

"It's okay Mom," Claire says to Belle "there are times I have a hard time figuring out what he's asking."

"What was he asking?" Belle says

Claire looks at her mother, sighs and smiles.

"I got the navigational computer fixed." Claire says "Dad, now for the last time, it's CALLED a computer, but you can't play World Of Warcraft on it."

"But I saw maps, and there were little dots on the maps." Shawn explains "I thought it was the beginning of a new quest. It let me log on, and I could see towns. But it wouldn't let me go to any of them, no matter how many of them I clicked on!"

"Okay dad." Claire tries to be patient "Every time you clicked on a town, the computer plotted a new course to go there. You had like 149 course changes in one day. The computer tried to calculate the speed the boat would need to go to make that many ports and well, let's just say we would have been giving Santa a run for his money in the air/land speed department."

"SANTA?' Belle perks up at the name "You didn't say Santa was coming! I have to get my list ready and put up my stocking and...and...and...COOKIES we need COOKIES!!"

Before Claire could stop her Belle was on the boat in a single bound and dashing into the cabin, babbling excitedly about presents and candy.

Claire sighs and looks over at Shawn, waiting for him to start in.

Shawn smiles and shakes his head. "Silly goose, everyone knows you have to have a fireplace to hang your stockings on. And boats do not have fireplaces. Right sweetie?"

"Yes daddy," Claire answers and pats Shawn on the head "And remember the last time you got confused and thought we had a fireplace?"

"Yes!" Shawn says excitedly "I remember we got to have fun using the fire putter outer things!"

"Yes daddy," Claire says "And you did a really good job on the dishes while we waited for a new dishwasher to be installed. I still remember trying to explain to the delivery man how the last one caught fire and melted. I don't think he completely bought the bad wiring excuse."

"I'm still sorry about that honey." Shawn says "I've been doing really good lately though, no fires on the boat for 2 weeks now!"

"Yes, daddy, you are doing really good." Claire smiles "Now here's some money, I want you to run into town and get some presents while I put up the Christmas tree and lights."

"But it's not really Christmas' Shawn says "Is it? Oh dear I didn't hit my head and forget who I was for 6 months again did I?"

"No you didn't," Claire explains "But it's easier just to let mom think it is than to tell her the truth and have her sulk in bed for a week because she thinks we are 'big poopy headed meanies who don't want her to have any fun'." Claire does a squeaky little kid voice and makes air quotes.

Shawn jumps up and runs down the dock at top speed, only to make it to the end stop, look both ways, then turn back to Claire with a questioning look on his face

"Presents dad!' Claire yells down the dock "Town, that way."

Shawn does an "oh yeah" face, then gives Claire a thumbs up and dashes off in the opposite direction that Claire had just pointed.

Claire starts to call him back then shakes her head and lets him go. "He'll figure it out eventually" She says to herself "Or he won't and he'll call me from New Zealand."

Claire steps onto the boat and heads for the aft storage area. Inside the cabin she can hear Belle singing, ". . . twelve eggs a hatching, 'leven pipes a smoking, nine cans of tuna, six nieces playing, FIVE ONION RINGS!!!, four falling birds, three French toast, two purple bugs...and Keith Partridge in a treeeeeeee."

Claire closes her eyes and says her version of the serenity prayers under her breath quickly.
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the parents I cannot change, the courage to not just kill them in their sleep, and the wisdom to dump their bodies at sea and have a good alibi ready when I finally do."
____________________________________________________________________

I am happy to have the chance to entertain everyone who read my little blog, and thank you for your continued support.

As none of your probably know I am a big fan of another NBC show, The Office.
I participate in a fun fansite for the show where the fans of The Office get to have fun pretending we actually work at Dunder Mifflin. We belong to local branches and make friends, do tasks and earn fake money.

Anyway, while the show has been on summer break we haven't been doing much, but this last week we were given a task that involves a touch of reality.

Each branch chose a charity supported by the United Way, and we are to raise funds for that charity by asking our friends online and off to make a real money donation to our charity.
Our branch chose, St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. A very worthy cause IMO, because they help children who are fighting cancer without regard to their ability to pay.

I would like to ask everyone who reads and enjoys my little trips into the insane world of DOOL to make a contribution to St. Jude's.

Click on the United Way logo below if you would like to make a donation. Thanks in advance.

Dear Abby - Summer Edition

Dear Abby:
I have been involved with this guy for a while now, I'll call him "Bill" but to be honest it was going nowhere. I'm just coming out of a divorce and was hoping "Bill" would be the one.

My problem is a few days ago something happened that made me wonder if I've been making a mistake. I was in this elevator with Bill's brother, I'll call him "Lou". The elevator got stuck and well, long story short, we took a big ol' page from Aerosmith's "Love In An Elevator" , if you get my drift.

I'm just so confused now. I really like Lou, but wonder if it was me that got him hot or the elevator. Also I have some really weird rash on my backside and some really nasty rug burns on my knees. Could those be from the carpet in the elevator?

Signed
UPset and DOWNhearted


Dear Up and Down:

Next time take the stairs.

____________________________________________________________________

Dear Abby:

I am in a real dilemma. I divorced my husband to marry the son of my family's arch enemy. At the wedding my now ex-husband shot my new husband and went to prison.
Since he's been gone I started to fall for my new husband and finally decided to sleep with him. Well wouldn't you know it, as soon as I did, lo and behold my ex got released from prison and walked in on us.
Now I'm really confused about who I should be with? I love my ex, but he's such a jerk sometimes I want to kill him. I got an annulment from my new husband so I could back to my ex, but now I realize I really do have feelings for my new husband.
The three of us are living in the same house, and all we do is fight. What do I do?

Signed
Three's Not Company


Dear Three:
Next time lock the door.

____________________________________________________________________

Dear Abby:

I run security for a hotel and a few days ago we got some footage on our security cams of these people in two of our elevators who were. . . well let's just say maintenance is fit to be tied, as they had just cleaned those carpets.

Anyway it was some pretty hot stuff. Usually we save the best stuff we catch on our security cams for our Christmas party, but no one can agree on which couple was the hottest. How do we decide which one to use?

Signed
Ernie from Security

Dear Ernie:

Put them both on You Tube and let everyone vote. And don't forget to send me a link. I like a good laugh.

____________________________________________________________________

Dear Abby:

I've written to you several times about this, and I don't think you are taking me seriously. I'm the lady who's husband was thought to be dead, but then came back with no memory and a totally new personality.

I found a disc that I believe has his old personality and his memories on it, but he not only refuses to use it, he destroyed the only equipment that could play the disc.

Now I find out he's been seeing this other woman. I don't know what to do! I am getting desperate! He's my husband, I want him back the way he was NOW!
I mean RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

Signed
I Swear I'm Not Psychotic


Dear Not Psychotic:

1. Prozac helps.
2. Get it through your head, he's just not that into you.
3. Build a bridge, get over it.

A 4th of July Tribute to Love

I thought about posting some lengthy blog, poking fun at DOOL.
But then I decided that was too easy, and quite frankly a waste
of a perfectly good legal holiday.

So instead for you 4th of July enjoyment,
I present a salute to the dysfunctional couples of Salem.

Enjoy, and have a happy and safe 4th!

Wimbledumb Fun

It takes motivation and practice to make it to Wimbledumb.
So with that in mind, I present:

DOOL MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS!!