The Girl Guide

The Girl Guide - The monthly magazine the women of Salem can't live without.

This month's feature articles:

Page 13 - He Cheated, Now What?

Getting even is so last season. First seduce his best friend, then his brother, his father, his son and his attorney (helps to get rid of that pesky pre-nup), and when you're finished fall sobbing into his arms and claim your broken heart made you do it.

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Page 26 - You Cheated - So What?

First claim innocence, then bring up every lie and half truth he ever told you, right back to the time in 9th grade when he backed out of taking you to the dance because he claimed his grandmother died.

Accuse him of being just like his father, then your father.
Blame him for the whole thing.

He pushed you too far, he should have paid more attention to you.
Start listing his faults, (be careful not to let him talk during this as he will try to counter with yours, as if you have any).

Finally break down sobbing and tell him a) He's the love of your life b) If he leaves you'll kill yourself c) You're pregnant (remember you don't actually have to BE pregnant to use this one)

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Page 101 - Excuses, excuses. - Never leave home without em.

"I forgot I was married"

"I was dead"

"It wasn't me it was my evil twin"

"If I tell you I did it, you'll just get mad and blame me for it."

"I wanted to tell you, but I never got the chance, even though you asked me repeatedly, the opportunity never came up."

"I did it for us!"

"I was only trying to protect my family"

"Stefano (fill in blank)"

"(fill in blank) was going to tell you everything! And I knew it would destroy (you, us, our marriage, our family)

"I had/have amnesia"

"I really wanted to be with you the whole time."

"I know I've lied about everything up until now, but NOW I'm telling you the truth."

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Page 119 - The Best Advice My Mom Ever Gave Me

The pass word for the hospital computer is 1234

All Salem cell phones have the same voice mail pass code - 0000

The blank DNA forms are in the LEFT file cabinet in the lab.

Joe in central booking at Salem PD takes the BEST mug shots.

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Page 124 - Can't Tell Him The Truth? - 5 questions to shut him up while you think.

"Shut up! Just shut up! Why don't you answer me?"

"Are you telling me the truth? Or is this just another one of your lies?"

"Are you really you? Or are you someone else?"

"Tell me you love me. I don't care if you have to lie, just tell me."

"Why do you force me to make you insist I do these things?"

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Page 168 - Retail and Services Guide

Tell Maxine at the bridal store "Sami sent you". She'll understand

For an extra $20, Bobby the valet at Che Rouge will say he never saw you.

Wednesdays are "Roots? What roots? I'm a natural blonde" Days at Esther's house of beauty.

Handguns and Handbags on 3rd and Lexington has a great special right now. Buy a Colt revolver and a Chanel tote, and get a matching bullet organizer FREE!

Slip Eddie at Salem Car Wash a quick $50 and tell him you want the "No Questions Asked" full detail.