I Felta Thigh - Rush Week 2010

"Okay that's it for our tour" Rush Chair-chick Morgan says to her group "Anyone have any questions?"

"Umm yeah I have one" says voice from the back of the group

"Yes, and what's your name?" Morgan asks

"Claire Kiriakas, and this is my aunt Ciera Brady"

"Claire! I told you to stop doing that!!" Ciera hisses.

"Oh deal with it!" Claire says and turns back to Morgan "Yes, I want to know what's up with the creepy guy chained up in the basement."

"OH him!" Morgan turns red "He's ...well...he's our sorority zombie, kind of like a mascot"

"He looks gross!" Claire says "How did he get down there?"

"Okay tour is over," Morgan changes the subject "everyone gather in the living room for drinks and don't forget the orgy is at 9, followed by our seminar on worshiping Satan. Remember clothing is optional for all activities!"

The rest of the girls disperse and Morgan turns her attention to the "dynamic duo".
"Okay look, you girls shouldn't have asked that question in front of the group"

"Why not?" says Ciera "We all saw him down there. He tried to bite several of the girls"

Morgan starts to tear up and turns away from "Cagney and Lacey" for a minute to compose herself. After a minute or so she continues "It's something we just don't talk about around here. If you want to know the truth why don't you ask your sister Chelsea."

"Chelsea? What does she have to do with this?" Ciera asks

"Everything." Morgan snaps and storms off

"Wow, she's more of a bitch than grandma when she's around my mom." Claire says "Come on Aunt Ciera, lets go talk to Aunt Chelsea."

"CLAIRE!!! I told you to stop calling me that!! You get all bent out of shape when I call your boyfriend Uncle Max!!" Ciera says

"Okay fine." Claire says "But we need to stop by the Cheatin Heart and pick up Alle"

"OH GOD! her????" Ciera rolls her eyes "I have no idea why you are friends with her, she's so fat!"

"Hey! you be nice. Alle can't help being a little big, she's working on it" Claire says "Besides, you'd use food for comfort too if Lucas was your dad. I mean come on, all he does is yell."

"Fine" Ciera says "But when we get there, don't spend 1/2 an hour talking to Unc....I mean Max. I want to get over to Chelsea and Nick's before too late."

As the girls walk out the door, Morgan watches. As soon as they are gone, she opens the basement door and slowly walks down the stairs.
In the corner of the dark basement a figure sits gnawing on a bone. As Morgan approaches, he jumps up and growls.
Zombie Ford Decker strains at his wrist and neck chains, trying to get to Morgan.

"Oh Ford" Morgan sighs "Why didn't you just stay dead? How did we know all those Satanic rituals we did would make you come to life? Or maybe it's just something about the town of Salem, no one stays dead around here."

Zombie Ford looks blankly at Morgan and grunts. Morgan reaches into a chest freezer and pulls out a foot. She tosses it to Ford who grabs it and starts chewing. Morgan sighs and walks back up the stairs to her new pledges.

Salem Babies

Claire Kiriakis sits in her posh bedroom in the Kiriakis mansion.
She looks around, and sighs. Soon her idiot mother would be there to pick her up and take her back to the tiny cramped room above the Brady pub.
She thinks about having to sleep in the same room as Shelle and a chill runs through her, "...cop uniform...Oh God...The HORROR"

"Well they can't take me back if I'm not here!" She said out loud.

She crawls over to her crib and taps the secret panel underneath. A drawer pops open and she pulls out her cell phone and Platinum Mastercard.
She punches in a few numbers and waits.

Ciera Brady, sitting alone in her crib, hears her cell ringing. She checks to make sure Hope isn't around, (yeah like she ever is) "Hello?"

"Ciera! I have had it with this family, I am out of here. Are you with me?" Claire asks

"Are you kidding? I have had a bag packed for months. Almost my whole life!" Ciera answers. "Anyone else coming?"

"I still have to call Pocket" Claire answers "And I was thinking about inviting those new kids Johnny and Ally. They seem pretty cool"

"Great!" Ciera says "I have Theo Carver's number. We'll need him, he's the only one who can reach the cookie jar "

"Do you have Artemus and DeMarquette's new number?" Claire asks "I hear they have it pretty sweet in their new country, I bet they can put us up for a while"

"Yep, got it right here" Ciera answers "Meet you in 30 min at the usual spot?"

"You got it" Claire hangs up her phone and looks out the window. As usual no one is coming to check on her. She packs a few things and heads out.

Thirty minutes later Claire sits in her limo behind the "evil warehouse". The door opens and Ciera climbs in followed by Johnny and Ally.

"Okay," Claire says "I called ahead to the airport and the private plane is all ready for us. Good thing that pilot has to support a wife AND a girlfriend, he'll do anything for a few thousand in cash."

"Great!" Ally says "I just want to get so far away from here, no one will ever find us"

"No kidding" Johnny agrees "At least you don't have a mafia don as a grandfather! It creeps me out when he calls me Giovanni. I feel like I should be wearing a pin striped suit and have two goons following me around all the time. Oh that reminds me.."

Johnny pushes the button to lower the window and leans out. "Rocko! Vito! Make sure you stick that stuffed animal in my crib so my mom doesn't notice I'm gone right away."

"Right away Mr. Dimera" they answer. Johnny sits back in the limo "I figure it will take her at least 2 days before she notices she's been breast feeding a stuffed Kermit the frog"

The kids all crack up. Claire pushes the intercom button and speaks to the driver.

"Okay James, we are ready to go to the airport." She says

"Very good Miss Kiriakas" The driver answers

"What about Theo?" Pocket asks "Are we picking him up?"

"Theo is meeting us there." Claire explains "He had to stop by the police station and pick up our fake passports from the police evidence lock up. They have my old one there and he'll use the police evidence lab to make some up for the rest of you."

Pocket pops open a can of formula and passes out crystal bottles. "A toast fellow babies!" he declares "To a new life, as far away from Salem as we can get!"

The babies clink their bottles and cheer.

"Pocket, why didn't your new family give you a real name?" Ally asks

"They did," Pocket answers "They just won't tell me what it is."

"Oh wow, that sucks!" Ally says "Oh well you can give yourself whatever name you want now!"

"Yeah I can." Pocket thinks a minute "I think I'll be Zipper! Yeah, you can call me Zip for short."

"Anything is better than pocket." Ally says "It sounds like you were named by some old biker dude in a leather jacket. Or some pathetic woman who thinks it would make her life complete to have a baby in her late 40's"

Zip (The baby formerly known as Pocket) looks at Ally for a few seconds waiting for her to realize what she just said. It dawns on her after a little bit and they both fall over laughing.

Claire's cell phone rings. She answers it and talks for a minute. She hangs up and announces to the party "That was DeMarquette. He told me his dad just bought he and Artemus their own island for Christmas! And we can stay there as long as we want!"

Cheers abound!

"And here's the best part!" Claire says "It's Tinda Lau!!!!!!!"

More cheers and more clinking of bottles.

"Now lets get this party started!!" Ciera cranks up the Wiggles CD and everyone starts jamming.