I Felta Thigh - Rush Week 2010
"Okay that's it for our tour" Rush Chair-chick Morgan says to her group "Anyone have any questions?"
"Umm yeah I have one" says voice from the back of the group
"Yes, and what's your name?" Morgan asks
"Claire Kiriakas, and this is my aunt Ciera Brady"
"Claire! I told you to stop doing that!!" Ciera hisses.
"Oh deal with it!" Claire says and turns back to Morgan "Yes, I want to know what's up with the creepy guy chained up in the basement."
"OH him!" Morgan turns red "He's ...well...he's our sorority zombie, kind of like a mascot"
"He looks gross!" Claire says "How did he get down there?"
"Okay tour is over," Morgan changes the subject "everyone gather in the living room for drinks and don't forget the orgy is at 9, followed by our seminar on worshiping Satan. Remember clothing is optional for all activities!"
The rest of the girls disperse and Morgan turns her attention to the "dynamic duo".
"Okay look, you girls shouldn't have asked that question in front of the group"
"Why not?" says Ciera "We all saw him down there. He tried to bite several of the girls"
Morgan starts to tear up and turns away from "Cagney and Lacey" for a minute to compose herself. After a minute or so she continues "It's something we just don't talk about around here. If you want to know the truth why don't you ask your sister Chelsea."
"Chelsea? What does she have to do with this?" Ciera asks
"Everything." Morgan snaps and storms off
"Wow, she's more of a bitch than grandma when she's around my mom." Claire says "Come on Aunt Ciera, lets go talk to Aunt Chelsea."
"CLAIRE!!! I told you to stop calling me that!! You get all bent out of shape when I call your boyfriend Uncle Max!!" Ciera says
"Okay fine." Claire says "But we need to stop by the Cheatin Heart and pick up Alle"
"OH GOD! her????" Ciera rolls her eyes "I have no idea why you are friends with her, she's so fat!"
"Hey! you be nice. Alle can't help being a little big, she's working on it" Claire says "Besides, you'd use food for comfort too if Lucas was your dad. I mean come on, all he does is yell."
"Fine" Ciera says "But when we get there, don't spend 1/2 an hour talking to Unc....I mean Max. I want to get over to Chelsea and Nick's before too late."
As the girls walk out the door, Morgan watches. As soon as they are gone, she opens the basement door and slowly walks down the stairs.
In the corner of the dark basement a figure sits gnawing on a bone. As Morgan approaches, he jumps up and growls.
Zombie Ford Decker strains at his wrist and neck chains, trying to get to Morgan.
"Oh Ford" Morgan sighs "Why didn't you just stay dead? How did we know all those Satanic rituals we did would make you come to life? Or maybe it's just something about the town of Salem, no one stays dead around here."
Zombie Ford looks blankly at Morgan and grunts. Morgan reaches into a chest freezer and pulls out a foot. She tosses it to Ford who grabs it and starts chewing. Morgan sighs and walks back up the stairs to her new pledges.
posted by Deb at
5:53 AM
1 Comments:
As Ciera and Claire enter the Cheating Heart they notice Ally sitting in a corner booth with a pair of crutches leaning on the table edge.
C&C give each other the "What's going on? Shrug look." and walk over to Ally's booth.
Ciera asks. " What happened to you?"
Ally shyly looks up from her triple hot fudge sundae and replies, "Remember I've been trying to lose weight?"
Claire prompts her, " Yeah, what do the crutches have to do with you losing weight? Did you hurt yourself in the gym?"
"No! I thought if I could just lose five pounds for rush week I would be a shoe-in for I Felta Thigh. I worked out, I purged, I took laxatives, but nothing was working. I surfed the Internet looking for an answer and then I found it!"
C&C cry. "What?"
"The Feed the Zombies website."
C&C shout," You found what?"
Ally sighs deeply and explains, " The Feed the Zombies mission is to feed Zombies that exist around the world from no fault of their own. Usually brought to life by stupid teenage girls fooling around with black magic. It's a great cause and the benefits of giving are not too bad either?"
Ciera asks suspiciously, "What benefits?"
Ally enthuses, " I donated my right foot to the cause and in exchange I lost 5 pounds and got this nifty stump cover with a velcro strip going around it so that I can change my look everyday."
Uncle Max watches and listens while drying a glass from behind the bar. He sets the glass down and picks up his phone and says, "We have a problem."
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