Writers? We Don't Need No Stinking Writers

Its the day of Sami and EJ's wedding.

In Vegas the odds makers are laying 3-1 that Sami will call it off, 2-1 that EJ will be shot, and 1-1 that the DOOL audience doesn't care anymore and wishes they would just get it over with.

Out in the hallway Stefano greets guests. Cousin Tony Soprano, Cousin Vito from Corleone, Cousin Victoria and her three sons.

Sami sits in the bridal room whining and sobbing. Marlena sits in the corner cleaning a gun muttering incoherently to herself.


Roman comes in and sits next to Sami. "Well here we are again," he quips "guess the old father -daughter advice for marriage has been covered a few times huh?"

Sami looks at him and laughs "Oh Daddy you always say the nicest things!"

Outside Lucas sits in a car parked across the street, polishing a gun.
"Yeah you slimeball, steal my wife will you?" he mutters. His cell phone rings "MOM! Okay I forget have I disowned you yet this week? I have, okay well then I forgive you, now what do you want?

Kate sits in the Cheatin Heart swaying on a bar stool as she yells into the cell phone "Lucas!! Lucas don't do anything stupid. No wait, I mean don't do what you usually do. No that didn't come out right either. Okay I have it, don't miss when you shoot!"

Inside the church EJ runs around laughing and posing for pictures. He is carrying Johnny around with him, showing him off like a prize he'd won at the carnival.

"My SON!" EJ shouts to a person passing with a camera and not stopping to take a picture. "Don't you want a picture of the Dimera heir?"

Stefano comes up behind him and slaps him on the back. "AH Elvis my son, I see you are showing the good people of Salem the future of the the Dimera family"

"Of course Father!" EJ smiles like he's the star of a toothpaste commercial.

Flash bulbs go off and the three generations pose for the camera.

Celeste watches from the corner of the church. She stares at the cozy little family scene and whispers to herself. "NO Theo, I will not let this Brady child take away your birthright! YOU are the first born Dimera grandson, and it is YOU who will inherit the dynasty." She pulls a gun out of her purse.

Over at the Salem PD, Bo stands in front of a large group of police. He points to a map showing the interior of St. Lukes church.
"Okay here's where the biggest threat comes from" Bo points to the map "this exit here may be come clogged when everyone exits the church. So the best way to get out of the church and over to this point, " Bo smacks a Krispy Kreme logo across the street from the church "is to just duck out the back door as soon as you hear the music start"

"But sir" an officer raises his hand "won't that make it hard to stop anyone trying to kill Mr. Demera?"
"No, " says Bo "It will make it easier for us to rush over there afterwards and wander around the crime scene disturbing evidence and erasing any chance of ever finding out who really shot him! Haven't you been paying attention?"

Back over at the church, Steve and Kayla sit in the back. Steve is cleaning his nails with a huge Bowie knife and singing "Mack the Knife" under his breath.
"mmm scarlet pillows, start to spread. Someones, sneaking round the corner...."
Kayla looks at him "STEVE! This is a church! You shouldn't be doing that!"

"Oh I'm so sorry sweetness," Steve apologizes. He puts the knife back into is jacket, pulls out a revolver and checks to make sure it's loaded "is this better?" He asks, and starts twirling the gun.

"Much" says Kayla and hugs his arm grinning

In the bridal room, Belle fusses with her bouquet. Chelsea comes in and watches her for a few minutes.
"No no no," Chelsea says "You have to hide the muzzle of the gun inside a ROSE, otherwise you'll be able to see it"

Belle smiles and says "Thanks Chelsea, I'm so glad you are good at killing people, I only know how to lie and whine"

"Ah think nothing of it" Chelsea blushes "You'll get used to it, after all you are marrying a Brady right?"

"Yep" Belle beams "And keeping a Kiriakis on the side!"

The girls giggle and start working on Belle's bouquet.

Sami emerges from the dressing room.
"Well?" She asks Belle and Chelsea "Do I look okay? The bridal shop gave me a buy 5 get the 6th dress free discount, so I got the most expensive dress they had"

"You look perfect" Belle gushes
"Beautiful, like always." Chelsea"

"Okay then" Sami sighs "Lets get this over with"

Sami walks out the door followed by Belle and Chelsea. Behind her a black gloved hand appears from behind the curtains in the room.

Next??