Law & Order SCS - Salem Part 2
Salem USA
Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy sits in his office reading over some papers.
A.D.A. Connie Rubirosa enters. She sits down in front of Jack’s desk.
“Jack, we have a problem” Connie sighs
“Yes, I know.” Jack answers “Four suspects, 2 confessions, no evidence, and a police department whose officers have less training than mall cops. Grade school hall monitors know more about the law than these bozos!”
“Now be fair Jack” Connie says “From what I have been able to figure out from the DNA reports CSI turned in, everyone here is related to everyone else. It’s like the road company of Deliverance.”
Jack closes the file he’s been reading and stands up. “Well let’s go see if we can make a deal with SOMEONE”
101 Front St.
Salem USA
Jack and Connie sit in the interrogation room, Lucas enters in handcuffs.
“Well Mr. Roberts, we have the gun you tried to hide by mailing it to yourself.” Jack starts out “And we have the testimony from the babysitter you hired while you went to the church.”
Lucas stares with his usual I-need-a-laxative look on his face.
“We know you threatened EJ Wells on more than one occasion, AND in front of witnesses” Connie says “We have enough to convict you Mr. Roberts.”
Lucas still stares.
“Can he hear us?” Jack asks
“I don’t know” Connie says “There’s nothing in the file that says he’s deaf.”
“Mr. Roberts, we are trying to make a deal with you, say something.” Jack says
Suddenly the door opens and Mickey Horton shuffles in.
“Mickey Horton, for the defense.” He begins “My client withdraws his guilty plea on the grounds that he mis-read his day planner. It was actually a DISOWN-my-mother day and Mr. Roberts thought it was a defend-my-mother day.”
“What in blazes are you talking about?” Jack says, “That makes no sense at all.”
“On the contrary, it makes perfect sense.” Mickey explains, “Mr. Roberts was only confessing to the shooting of EJ Wells because he was trying to save his mother. It wasn’t her day, so he withdraws his plea.”
“But we have a signed confession” Jack explains “And we are prepared to go to trial on this.”
“You also have confessions from Kate Roberts, Andre Dimera, Steve Johnson, Roman Brady, and Claire Kiriakis” Mickey pulls paper after paper out of his briefcase “But to be fair we usually don’t accept confessions written in crayon, so that takes care of Mr. Johnson’s.”
“This is insane!” Connie says “All those people confessed to a crime when there was no evidence against them.”
“Exactly!” Mickey says triumphantly “Kate Roberts was intoxicated at the time, so hers is out. Andre Dimera was legally insane. Roman Brady, well he’s the police commander so he can’t possibly have done it. And unless you want to be known as the ADA who tried to prosecute a 1 year old, well then you have no one to charge.”
“Yes, there you go!” Jack tries to reason with Mickey “That leaves Mr. Roberts as our only suspect.”
“So that means he couldn’t possibly have done it!” Mickey says, “Let’s go Lucas.”
“STOP RIGHT THERE!” Jack jumps up “We are taking this to trial and we are going to win!”
Lucas frowns even harder and starts to look eerily like Squint. Jack and Connie stand up and leave.
Superior Court
Trial Part 45
“Mr. Dimera, can you tell us about all the times Mr. Roberts threatened your life?” Jack asks
“Yes sir,” EJ answers, “Lucas never missed a chance to tell me he wanted me to die. On more than one occasion he told me he’d do it with his bare hands if need be.”
“And did Mr. Roberts ever physically attack you?” Jack continues
“Funny you should ask” EJ smirks “There was one time in Samantha’s hospital room where Lucas attempted to strike me, but he couldn’t quite reach my jaw so he punched me in the knee cap. Quite painful I might add.”
“Objection your honor.” Mickey stands up “The witness is speculating that the defendant is short, when in reality he is of average height.”
“What kind of objection is that?” The judge asks
“Umm I don’t know, I just hadn’t heard the sound of my own voice for a while..”
“OVER RULED” The judge snaps
“No more questions your honor” Jack sits down
“Mr. Wells, or is it Dimera?” Mickey begins “No matter. Did Lucas Roberts shoot you?”
“I have no idea.” EJ answers, “Isn’t that the whole point of this trial? To find out who shot me?”
“Your honor I move for a mis-trial on the grounds that the victim can’t identify who shot him, so that means my client is innocent.” Mickey declares
“Mr. Horton!” The judge is cranky “I don’t want to know WHICH law school you attended, because at the moment I am wondering IF you attended law school at all!”
“I received my degree from Salem University your honor.” Mickey says proudly “It took me the better part of an entire weekend to do it too!”
The courtroom erupts into laughter and shouting. The judge bangs the gavel and calls for order.
Suddenly the doors of the courtroom burst open and Frankie Brady dashes in.
“Your honor, I have new evidence that will blow this case wide open!” He shouts
“Mr. Brady,” the judge says “So help me if it turns out you are only doing this because you always wanted to see what it was like, I will put you on death row!”
“No no really I have evidence” Frankie explains, “The shot that hit EJ came from the front of the church! Lucas was in the back of the church at the time.”
“Okay, so get to your point” Jack says “Who the hell shot EJ Wells?”
“It was John Black!” Frankie says triumphantly
The doors open and Squint, alive and well strolls into the courtroom. Marlena screams and faints. Sami starts to cry. Belle looks confused. Pard stands grinning.
Bo hands Hope $1 as she whispers “We are going to have to have another kid for you to make up all the diaper duty you have now Brady.”
“AND!” Frankie continues over the chaos “Since John Black was legally dead at the time of the shooting, he cannot be charged with any crime!”
“Your honor! Your honor!” Jack shouts, “You can’t let these people get away with this! It’s a travesty! It’s a slap in the face of our justice system!”
“It’s they way they do things here in Salem Mr. McCoy” Judge Judy bangs her gavel and stands up “SO GET OVER IT! Case dismissed!”
1 Comments:
Oh my gosh!! That was classic. It had me LOL all the way through.
Deb, you really need to write professionally.
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