Are You Smarter Than A Box Of Rocks?

And now it's time for America's newest game show, Are You Smarter Than A Soap Character?!

And here's your host Alex Trebek!!

Alex: Thank you! And now let's introduce our contestant
This is Belle Kiriakis, a nursing student from Salem!!!

Belle: And a mother Alex, don't forget that.

Alex: Right you are Belle. Is your daughter with you today?

Belle: No Alex, right now she's in the hands of some kidnappers, but my
wonderful husband Shawn and my boyfriend, who used to be my husband
Phillip are out looking for her right now.

Alex: Ummm, ooooookay, are you sure you should be here Belle?

Belle: Oh sure Alex, it happens all the time, she'll turn up.

Alex: Okay then Belle are you ready to go?

Belle: Sure Alex, but aren't we supposed to do this show first?

Alex: Umm yeah, pick a category Belle

Belle: I'll take, first grade math! I can do that.

Alex: Here's the question: How many sides does a triangle have?

Belle: ~~*~~*~~*crickets*~~*~~*~~

Alex: Belle we need an answer.

Belle: To what?

Alex: The question Belle, How many sides does a triangle have?

Belle: Don't you know?

Alex: Yes, I know but I want you to answer, that's how the game is played.

Belle: I like games!

Alex: Belle if you don't know the answer you can use one of your cheats.

Belle: I DON'T CHEAT! I HAVE NEVER CHEATED!! HOW DARE YOU SAY I CHEAT

Alex: Belle, it's okay, don't get upset

Belle: Well how can I not get upset when I am being accused of cheating!

Alex: Belle, (sigh) do you know how many sides a triangle has?

Belle: Alex what is it with you and this triangle? It's a 3 sided thing, it's not
real okay?

Alex: YES, that's correct! You win $5000!

Belle: For what? Did I win the lottery?

Alex: Belle, stay with me here. You're on a game show...to win money.

Belle: Game show?? OOOOh where's Bob Barker? I love him!

Alex: Belle, (snaps his fingers in front of her face) wake up Belle, can you pick
another category?

Belle: Okay, I'll take 4th grade Health. I 'm in nursing school I should know
this stuff!

Alex: *under his breath-I wouldn't bet on it* Alright Belle, What does a
Psychiatrist do?

Belle: Oooo my mom is a Psychiatrist, I know this one, they mess with people's
minds and give them lots of drugs.

Alex: Well, I guess we'll take that. . . not exactly what we were looking for but
technically that's right, so okay, you're up to $10,000 Belle!

Belle: OH MY! I can't afford that! What will I do? I guess I could ask Phillip
for the money, but then I'd have to sleep with him, again....

Alex: BELLE! Hello? Stay with me here! We give you money, you don't pay us.

Belle: Why would you give me money? I'm NOT sleeping with you Alex. No!

Alex: *Groans - Why why why?* Belle can you pick another category?

Belle: Well if I have to, but you better watch it, my husband is a cop!

Alex: PICK A CATEGORY YOU IDIOT!

Belle: You don't have to shout, I'm right here. I'll take....5th grade math

Alex: *under his breath, Thank God now maybe she'll lose and we can all get
on with our lives...* Belle here's your question;
If a ball is dropped from a height of 100m, each time it hits the ground it bounces 3/5 of the height it fell. How far will the ball have travelled in the 5th bounce?

Belle: 361.12m

Alex: *jaw dropped* Oh my God, that's right. I don't get it, how? I mean,
what? Is this a joke? What's going on?

Belle: Did I need to show my work?

Alex: Ummm no, I mean wow, okay, you have $15,000 Belle, pick another
category.

Belle: Give me, 3rd Grade History. That sounds fun.

Alex: Alright, Belle; In what year did Abraham Lincoln die?

Belle: Which time?

Alex: HUH? What do you mean which time? You only die once, *laughs*

Belle: Oh Alex, you're so funny. You know no one dies the first time they die.
It usually turns out Stefano is just holding them hostage.

Alex: Okay now this is getting ridiculous. People only die one time. After that
you're dead. You don't come back!

Belle: Oh you silly! Of course you do. My dad's been dead three or four times.
and my Mom too! But sooner or later they come back.

Alex: I get it now, you're a joke. The producers put you on this show to mess
with me! I get it. You're a plant!!!

Belle: I am NOT a plant! I hate it, when people call me a plant! I'm smarter
than some dumb old plant. I don't sit in dirt and wait to get watered.

Alex: Ohhh you're just gonna play it to the end aren't you blondie? You
probably aren't even a nursing student.

Belle: I am so! I've been to 3 classes and taken a whole test, and I'm going
to graduate next week!

Alex: *laughing hysterically now* Hoo! That's rich! The next thing you'll tell me
is your dad is a secret agent, and you live in a magical land where no one
has to work, and everything is free.

Belle: Well we work sometimes, and yes my dad used to be in the ISA, but that
was before he was brainwashed the first time and he thought he was my
sister's dad Roman, but he wasn't, so he figured out he used to be a
priest, who killed people under Stefano's orders.....

Alex: *tears streaming from his eyes* Stop stop! This is too funny.

Belle: I don't see what's so funny, this is my life! I need this money to find my
daughter! She's been missing for so long.

Alex: *grabs chest, still laughing* Can't.....breathe.....must...stop...laughing.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Alex Trebek falls on the floor dead. Belle looks at him for a few minutes.
"Mr. Trebek? Are you going to be dead long? I have to go meet my mom for lunch. Mr. Trebek? Did I win? Hello?"