To Grandmother's House We Go

Crystal opens the door and walks into a richly furnished home.

“Grandma!” She calls “We’re here”

“Finally” Colleen comes down the stairs “I didn’t think you’d ever make it.”

“Well if my idiot cousin had her way we wouldn’t be” Crystal says

Colleen sighs “What did Belle do now? I swear Marlena produces the dumbest blondes on the planet! I don’t know what my sons see in her.”

“Forget it Grandma” Claire walks in behind Crystal “I’m glad to be away from that insane crowd.”

“Ah Claire!” Colleen gushes “My hope for the future. At least you have some common sense.”

“Well it wouldn’t take much to be smarter than the Scooby Doo gang” Claire hugs her Grandmother “I’m getting a snack”

Colleen turns to Crystal “So you had some trouble?”

“Oh please! Trouble would have been easy” Crystal says “I got out smarted by a blonde bimbo who makes that Miss Teen America chick look like a Mensa member.”

“Well maybe when Dr. Rolf gets here, maybe he will have some idea how we can raise her IQ to something resembling normal” Colleen says

“Yeah well good luck with that!” Crystal grumbles “I hope Dr. Rolf has perfected the brain transplant, because this girl is working with a deficit situation in that department.”

Colleen looks concerned. “Really? Is it that bad?”

“Uh YEAH” Crystal says “This little twit fell in the river and almost drowned. Then when they pulled her out, she forgets she’s supposed to breathe!”

Colleen’s eyes widen

“She’s got two fairly hot guys fighting over her, and she loves it.” Crystal continues “And get this, one is her husband and one is her EX husband.”

“But if she’s still hot for him, why did she divorce him?” Colleen asks

“I don’t know,” Crystal replies “Maybe she just wanted another excuse to whine, like she needs one. Jeez, that girl brings new meaning to the word CRYBABY”

Colleen sighs and walks over to look at the Celtic warrior woman symbols carved around her fireplace. She runs her hand over it, lovingly.

“The women in my family were always so strong.” She says “Always independent, ready to fight for what they believe in and stand up for themselves. Even if it meant lying, manipulating, conniving, even stabbing their own in the back . . .”

“You talking about Aunt Sami?” Claire comes back from the kitchen with a big corned beef sandwich “Now SHE’S cool. She never lets anyone or anything get in her way.”

“Ah yes Samantha” Colleen smiles “her, Kayla and Kimberly. It would seem my brother Shawn did our family proud with these women as his legacy. I just don’t know what went wrong with Belle.”

“It’s cool Grandma,” Claire reassures her “I am nothing like that whiney wimp of a mother I’m stuck with. And my Grandma Marlena? Yeah she’s about worthless. All you ever hear out of her is ‘oooh John I looooove youuuuu, soooo much, oooh I missed you soooooo much’ YUCK”

“Yes, she is quite a piece of work” Colleen agrees “But at least she has been useful in one respect. She managed to distract Stefano at key moments in the past. Pity it was never enough for me to destroy him permanently. But all that will change, very soon.”