American DOOL

*Sung to the tune of Don McLean's American Pie

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How the Bradys used to make me smile.
And I knew if I watched each day
The Hortons would all be okay
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But writers changed and Days got dumber
Every day my mind got numb-er.
Then things just got crazy;
The writers all got lazy.

I still remember when I cried
The day I was sure Steve had died.
Bo was cool, Hope never lied
On Days of Our Lives.

So why, why do this to Days of Our Lives
Can’t you just let us enjoy it
Not make everyone whine
In the good ol’ “Days” we used to have a good time
Hopin’ things would turn out to be fine
Things would turn out to be fine.

So who wrote this stupid crap
And laid it all right here in our lap
Did the network tell you to?
Did you believe we’d just sit by
And let Sami’s youth just pass us by?,
And can you please just tell me why?

Well, we know that EJ’s only 10.
`cause we saw him born, but yet again.
You thought we’d buy he’s thirty.
But it just made us feel dirty.

We watched while Lexi made a devil’s deal
Austin’s style still had appeal,
And I believed Kate’s charm was real
On Days of our Lives.

But we kept watching;
Why, why do this to Days of Our Lives
Can't you just let us enjoy it
Not make everyone whine
In the good ol’ “Days” we used to have a good time
Hopin’ things would turn out to be fine
Things would turn out to be fine.

Now for ten years we thought Andre was gone
And Tony was right where he belonged,
But no you just could not let it be.
Belle was with Phil and Shawn with Meems,
And Claire was happy or so it seemed
And Chloe seemed like just a dream,

Oh, but then Steve came back from the grave,
And suddenly Max was all brave.
Chelsea just went wild;
And Roman turned all mild
And while Stefano hatched another plan,
Phil turned into Lieutenant Dan,
Billie made Nick into a man
On Days of Our Lives.

We still were watching;
Why, why do this to Days of Our Lives
Can’t you just let us enjoy it
Not make everyone whine
In the good ol’ “Days” we used to have a good time
Hopin’ things would turn out to be fine
Things would turn out to be fine.

Chaos reigned when the black glove came.
And things would never be the same,
But then it all just changed too fast.
Steph and Max raced right on past.
Then ended up on one big crash,
Shawn, Steph and Phil all got re-cast.

Now another Sami wedding loomed
With Austin as her loving groom.
We thought she’d be happy at last,
Oh, but wait not so fast!
Sami’s blackmail was revealed;
Austin freaked as Lexi squealed.
We found out EJ wasn’t real
On Days of Our Lives.

Why are we watching?;
Why, why do this to Days of Our Lives
Can’t you just let us enjoy it
Not make everyone whine
In the good ol’ “Days” we used to have a good time
Hopin’ things would turn out to be fine
Things would turn out to be fine.

Oh, and then the black glove struck again,
We never knew just where or when
We all knew he’d be back and then.
The embryos were switched so quick!
Then back again, till we were sick
We lost count somewhere after 10.

As we watched Sami with EJ
We barely could contain our rage.
He put her through such hell
And yet she was under his spell.
And as the flames of the cabin burned so bright
We finally thought she’d made it right,
We should have known that we weren’t right
On Days Of Our Lives

We can’t stop watching;
Why, why do this to Days of Our Lives
Can’t you just let us enjoy it
Not make everyone whine
In the good ol’ “Days” we used to have a good time
Hopin’ things would turn out to be fine
Things would turn out to be fine.

Shawn met a girl we learned to like
We felt bad for Willow’s plight,
Then just as quick she went away.
Chelsea turned into a whore
And Max just dumped her like before
But Nick showed up to save the day.

Please don’t leave me, Mimi screamed,
While in a coma John still dreamed.
Marlena said she’d spoken;
To him while he lay broken.
And even though his brain was toast:
He still came to her as a ghost,
Then Shawn and Bell ran for the coast
On Days Of Our Lives.

All while we were watching,
Why, why do this to Days of Our Lives
Can’t you just let us enjoy it
Not make everyone whine
In the good ol’ “Days” we used to have a good time
Hopin’ things would turn out to be fine
Things would turn out to be fine.

Yes we’ll keep watching
Why, why do this to Days of Our Lives
Can’t you just let us enjoy it
Not make everyone whine
In the good ol’ “Days” we used to have a good time
Hopin’ things would turn out to be fine
Things would turn out to be fine.