Shirley Partridge Explains It All

Keith Partridge sits in the garage going over a snappy guitar rift. Danny walks in with a stack of papers.

"Keith!" He says waving the papers "You won't believe what I found in the attic"

"Now what Danny?" Keith asks "A bunch of stocks you forgot you bought?"

"Fun-ny Keith" Danny says "NO, I found these letters from mom to some guy named Santo"

"Letters? Like real letters?" Asks Keith "Like written on paper? Not just printed emails? Wow, let me see"

As the boys pour over the letters, they don't notice Shirley enter the garage.

"What do you have there?" she asks

Both boys jump like they've been busted reading letters to Penthouse instead of letters to Santo.

"Umm, well you see mom, I mean ummm" Danny stammers "It was KEITH! IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA! I TOLD HIM THESE WERE PRIVATE BUT NOOO!"

"Calm down Danny" Shirley laughs "It's okay that you found the letters, I have been meaning to tell you guys for a while now, and this just makes it easier."

"Tell us what mom?" asks Keith

"The truth Keith." Shirley sighs "The truth about my past. But let's go into the house and have a family meeting so I can tell everyone at once."

A bit later in the living room, Shirley stands in front of the kids and makes her big announcement.

"Okay kids." she begins "I need to tell you all something I have been hiding from you for a long time. The truth."

"Like the fact that Danny is a washed up reality TV star with anger management and drug abuse problems?" laughs Keith

"Oh like you have room to talk, you couldn't even get ON a reality TV show. Why don't you just go do another episode of Matlock or Love Boat? Oh wait you can't! They cancelled them! I may be a has been, but it beats being a NEVER WAS!" Danny shoots back

"BOYS BOYS!" Shirley tries to get control again "Pay attention."

"Sorry mom" they both say

"Okay, now," Shirley continues "I'll start at the beginning. My name isn't Shirley. It's Colleen. I was a nun in Ireland until I met a handsome stranger and had a torrid affair with him. My father was against our relationship, and forbid me to see Santo. I was going to run away with him, but then I found out he was still married. He'd lied to me and told me his wife was dead. I was so crushed I pretended to kill myself by jumping off a cliff so I could escape.
I moved to the US and changed my name."
"Wow mom," Laurie says "That sounds like a really bad soap opera!"

"Yeah," Chris agrees "Almost as bad as Days of Our Lives"

"Okay, that's enough" Shirley says "May I continue?"

"Sure mommy" Tracy says "Go ahead and spill your guts about the lie your life has been."

"Oh.....kay....." Shirley gives Tracy a strange look "Not long after I arrived in the US, I realized I was pregnant. I had the baby and tried to raise him on my own. But things just didn't work out. And eventually I gave my son to a lovely couple to raise with their son."

"Wow, so we have a brother?" Laurie asks "does that mean we can kick Chris and Tracy out of the band and have a real career in music?"

Everyone has a big laugh at that, except Chris and Tracy of course, who just sit staring.

"To continue" Shirley says "After that I married your dad and had you guys. Well over the years I kept track of my son. I also have kept track of the man responsible for so much misery and death to my family. Stefano Dimera."

*~~*~~*~~* crickets

"Stefano Dimera?" Shirley looks at the blank faces "Notorious crime boss? International paragon of evil? No one? Oh boy, this is going to be tougher than I thought."


Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion.