Ireland - The Day After

As the plane leaves the runway carrying the road company of Dumb and Dumber, Colleen watches and heaves an sigh of relief.

"Thank GOD. I thought they would never leave." she says. She pulls off the old lady wig and changes into her normal clothes.
She walks down the stairs and finds Rob and Crystal waiting for her in the pub.

"Okay, one more time, who's idea was it for me to dress like Norman Bates' mother?" She asks.

Rob and Crystal giggle.

"Oh funny, ha ha, nothing like making me look like a complete fool." she complains

"We're sorry Colleen" Crystal says "But you know if you'd have turned up looking like you do now, well they never would have bought the 'I'm dying' routine. They would have hung out here forever. And you and I both know that would have been a disaster for all of us"

"Yes, you're right." Colleen agrees as she checks her make up in the mirror "I never would have run them off if they saw me like this."

"Claire called before you came down" Rob says

"Did she?" Colleen asks "And what did she say?"

"She said to tell you, it was all set and you could pick her up on schedule." Rob answers

"What's going on?" Crystal asks "Did you and Claire plan something without telling me?"

"Crystal, I needed you to be convincing in your good-bye to Claire." Collen explains "If you knew she was going to be back this soon you never would have been able to seem so sad that they were taking her away."

"So she really is coming back?" Crystal is excited

"Yes." Colleen says "You don't think for a minute I would trust that blonde bimbo of a grand-daughter of mine to raise her. I mean really. I have heard of dumb blonde before but I mean come on. No one is that stupid. Not and still able to live in society anyway."

"Oh thank GOD!" Crystal exclaims "I was so worried when I found out Belle was actually going to be a nurse. When she told me she'd just graduated from nursing school I thought, she was kidding. Then she showed me her license."

"She probably got it out of Claire's, Toys R Us nurse kit" snickered Rob

"Yeah, I should have looked to see if it was stamped 'Mattel' somewhere on it." Crystal smiled

"And was signed by Doctor Barbie." Colleen added

"Come to think of it, that did look like Marlena's hand writing" Rob laughed

The three of them dissolve into fits of hysterical laughter. After a few minutes of holding their sides and wiping their eyes they calm down.

"Okay, okay" Colleen says wiping away a final tear "I know Claire downloaded the virus into the plane's main computer navigation system. They think they are somewhere over Norway, but in reality they are flying in circles over Italy."

"So they think they are going to crash? Are you sure that's wise?" Rob asks "What if they do something stupid and cause a real malfunction?"

"I'm counting on it" Colleen says "If there is one thing I can be sure of with that bunch of bone heads, it's that given the chance, one or all of them will think they are the big hero and try to save everyone."

"So what's the plan?" Crystal asks

"Well right now they are figuring out the plane isn't going to make it" Colleen shows Rob and Crystal a map. "They think they are going to crash here, but in reality Claire has the navigational computer set up to shut down all the gages, disable the manual controls and engage a secret autopilot that will put the plane here."

"And they're really not in any trouble?" Asks Crystal

"No" Colleen answers "John of course will take over the plane and do his famous Superman routine. He will set the plane down outside of Milan where Santo will be waiting to pick Claire up."

"Will they be coming back here?" Rob asks

"No, not right away." Colleen says "It's fashion week and I promised Claire she could see the Donatella Versace collection before she leaves. Which reminds me, Crystal don't let me forget to call Dolce and Gabbana and tell them to have Claire's dress for the Oscars ready for the final fitting before she leaves. I wanted it to be a surprise but you know how 'drama queen' Domenico gets if he thinks something doesn't fit 'just right'."

Crystal puts a reminder on her I-phone calendar and checks Colleen's schedule for next week.

"So Santo will be bringing her back after fashion week?" Crystal asks

"Yes, and as soon as she gets here, we need to get Brady a new passport so he can make it back for St. Patrick's Day." Colleen said

"Is he still on tour with Ozzy and Rob Zombie?" Crystal asks

"Yes, but he's going to take a couple days off after the Melbourne date and come home." Colleen pauses to think "I wonder if he'd mind picking up Ciera on the way."

"I don't have that on my schedule." Crystal says "When did you talk to Ciera?"

"Oh last week" Collen answered "She called and said her mother joining the police force was the last straw. And I can't say I blame the little dear. She's been on tour with Hannah Montana for 5 months as a back up dancer and her idiot parents didn't even notice she was gone."

"And what's with Hope joining the Salem PD? I would have thought she'd be more at home with the Reno 911 gang" Rob asks

"Or as a member of the TMZ staff." Crystal laughs

"Didn't I see her on Entertainment Tonight with Perez Hilton at the Grammys last night?" Rob chuckles

"Yes," Colleen says trying to hold back the laughter "She's taking Joan Rivers place but the question is, will anyone notice?"

"They might," Rob says "Joan wasn't anywhere near as pushy or nosy"

The three of them collapse again into hysterical laughter. Holding their sides and tears flowing down their cheeks.